DH says now that he is using a calendar again he feels like a drunk who was on a binge but is now going straight. Makes me want to scream and pull all my hair out.
He says he can't fix everything overnight. I agree. But he had a system that worked and *he* decided to stop using it bc it was "boring".
I am beyond frustrated and I am so angry at him for not using the tools that he was offered 3 years ago. It is not my fault that he chose not to do the work.
Speaking of which he said yesterday that he could have held onto his job if he had asked his mentor for help. He says he didn't think he needed more help but now he sees that he did. AGGHHH
This is too little too late for me. I have been very patient, very persistent, and very understanding. I am all out of patience, persistence, and understanding after 3 years of asking then pleading then begging him to use his calendar and to implement the skills we learned in Melissa's seminar.
On top of everything else he saw his psychiatrist yesterday but didn't tell him that he was feeling depressed!! I asked him what they discussed and he said that his psychiatrist said he was sorry to hear that he had been fired but that was something DH needed to talk about with his therapist. I said well I thought your therapist wanted you to see your psychiatrist for an eval for depression. He said yes my therapist did a screening for depression last week when I saw her and she thinks I am way more depressed now than I was the last time I saw her. I said then why didn't you tell your psychiatrist that??? Then I said you know what, forget it, it is not my job to micromanage what you discuss with your psychiatrist. It is up to you. Your life is up to you. I.am.done.
Submitted by adhd32 on
So sorry for your frustration. Sounds as though your H is now putting in minimal effort due to the circumstances of his firing. See? Look at me now! I'm doing something because I got fired; not because I want to change or improve using a tool that can help. My experience w my H has been similar. When an incident arises that clearly shows him he needs to make a change, he will go full throttle until he doesn't want to anymore. Then a slow slide back to his comfort zone of denial and blame when things inevitably unravel again. I cannot understand this. I feel that he chooses choas and wants the drama. What sane person would abandon a treatment plan that is working to willingly revert back to a life of missed deadlines and constantly disappointing others? Things have never changed for more than a few months for us. All the support and encouragement is wasted on someone who knowingly decides to sabotage their own advancement because the mundane is too boring. For me, talk is cheap. Show your commitment to me, the family, the finances, etc. Based on my H's actions he is committed to one person; himself.
Submitted by daizzebelle on
I'm so sorry you are going through this too. Thanks for posting. It makes me feel less alone knowing I am not the only one with a husband who chooses not to use a system that works. I know I am not crazy but his behavior is crazymaking. He says it is clear to him now that he can't just take his meds and hope for the best, he has to do the work. Well no shit. Why wasn't that clear 3 years ago when he was using the system and it was working for him?
I'm exhausted. Fed UP. He wants me to give him more time to show me that he will stick to it .Time is already up!! I am not doing this anymore. Not to mention why the f*** should I get my hopes up again??
Yet another example of "The
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Yet another example of "The only person's behavior you can control is your own."
Frustrating and crazymaking!
During our marriage, my
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
During our marriage, my husband saw several therapists. He told me at one point, probably when I expressed some frustration with what seemed to me to be lack of progress, that his then-current therapist asked him, "Are you here because you want to be or because your wife wants you to be?" The answer probably was the second (because I wanted him to be in therapy) but I always wished and knew things would go better if it were the first.
It is like you are living my life
Submitted by Jeddy on
My husband got fired from his job a few months ago too. He had always wondered if he had ADHD but it wasn't until I took our daughter in to be diagnosed that he finally went in - sure enough, he has ADHD too. Now all of a sudden he acts as if he can use this as an excuse to be lazy. He doesn't take time to learn anything about ADHD or how to live with it as an adult. I send him links to sites that give great recommendations but he "never has a chance to read them". Probably because he is so busy sleeping all day and watching TV he can't be bothered to take 5 min to read an article. I am so mentally and physically exhausted because my 8 year old daughter has ADHD too but at least she tries. She is great with schedules and constant reminders and predictability. My husband on the other hand acts like he has completely given up. Talking to him about it just makes him shutdown. He doesn't like being told what to do - especially by me. I feel ALL of your pain. UGH! Dealing with an husband with ADHD is 100 times harder than dealing with a child with ADHD!
Submitted by daizzebelle on
That sounds very frustrating. I am afraid that my H is going to end up unemployed/underemployed for the next 5 years which is what happened after he was laid off in 2012. I can't do it again. I am not willing to work 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet like I did last time.