Sorting it all out

Today I was trouble-shooting my own Non-ADHD brain.  

What I have determined, at least for today, LOL!, is this reality:  I do not like everything being a battle of the wits.  I do not like being in the spot of defending what I want or like.  I will not explain and explain and explain my wants, hopes and desires. I will not abandon my desires based solely on the fact that it causes discomfort for my spouse.   

Our yard is 10 acres.

I am a college student.

My spouse if a self employed construction worker.

There are of piles of construction materials on our property.

I do not like having to look at all the piles of stuff.

We talked about installing a 8 foot privacy fence to create a visual boundary for me.  I set aside the funds.  We got a few estimates.  We had the full amount necessary to pay for it.  We scheduled it.  The company called to finalize the color of the fence.  My spouse told them not to come.  In the end, his thoughts, wisdom, feelings, ideas trumped anything we had agreed on regarding the fence.  In the end, it was a battle.  I won't fight anymore.   

For me, this was a new 'adventure.'  Trying something in a whole new way.  

I understand how his brain works.  I am just no longer willing to "put up with it."  It is not okay that he takes over and changes everything while I just sail along for the ride.  He may not FEEL like it was a wise choice.  I want to agree upon things, not feel controlled by his anger. 

He adamantly denies 'cancelling' the fence.

I cannot do this sort of thing anymore.  It zaps everything from me.

I am not willing to play the game of he calls to say do not come, and then I call to say "Yes, come and put up that fence."  How utterly stupid is this.  

I have dropped my side, and left the contest.  I lost, and am not willing to fight anymore.