Soul dies at night

I do not need help and I do not need advice, just wish for the whole world to collapse with me. No I do not need hope. Hope hurts. Open heart hurts. Everything hurts. Sometimes for a moment I understand it is me, but the thought is do horrible that I blur and fade it away. I want to scream so hard that everything around would fall but I lost my voice. There's night, and in the morning I will have to face him. I'm sick of fear. If people could die from fear I would be long gone. 
when I met him I wondered why I received such blessing. But that was a curse in disguise. 
I heard waiting for execution is worse than execution itself. It is. You die piece by piece, bit by bit. Unable to save yourself of speed up the death