Spouse has ADHD and I am now depressed

I did not know he had this for the first year we were together, I just knew he had organization, memory and other issues.  I accepted and blew it off.  I'm a type A Personality so it was not noticed as much.

However, things started falling apart in our lives.  Illnesses, death of family members, job losses, and his condition really came to the forefront because I needed him to help more.

Garbage  that is sprinkled around the house that never makes it in the garbage can, paperwork that never gets filled out, clutter and the complete and total lack of consideration for our belongings has left our house a total disaster and me very depressed.

I am so overwhelmed.

How can I do the things I am planning on doing if I can't even keep up with the house is a question I ask myself often.

Then I found an article a couple years ago.  The compulsive lying, the zoning out when trying to talk to him about important things, the losing things non stop and total failure to be accountable but instead blaming me or saying he is dumb or a bad person....  it all snapped in place.  He is not a partner.  He is a child I take care of.

I really don't know what I'm going to do yet.  I read this stuff about people on medication still having issues...  I just don't think I can do it.  He is resisting me on getting meds, too.

I've never been depressed.  Usually really positive but living with someone with this condition is like a black cloud hanging over me.

Does medication really help?

Is it possible to accomplish much if you are with someone with ADHD?

is there ever a time you are not taking care of them like a child?


Thank you for listening!