I am getting to the "acceptance and understanding" phase of having this information of DH's probable ADD. I only found this site and learned about ADD one month ago. I knew about "hyperactivity" and heard the ADHD label but never associated it with anyone I was knew. I have SOOOOOOOO much built up frustration, resentment and mistrust from this 35 years of marriage. Every day I have more information and I test it and it turns out what people are saying is happening the same way with us. DH and I just had a conversation and I had tears going down my cheeks as I was talking and as usual he did not make any reference to my tears. He walked out the room all happy go lucky just happy to be on his way with other things on his mind. Ordinarily I would have felt even worse and felt stupid for crying and that he was off thinking I was weak, a baby, too sensitive, stupid, intolerable or some other judgment about my crying. I would start wondering what was wrong with me that I cried and he walks away. I would ALWAYS take his leave-taking without acknowledging my tears as him hating me or at least not caring. This time I made no attempt to hide the tears falling down my cheeks. Could it be that he really did not see them? Or is it that ADHDers just turn something unpleasant out of their minds and it is instantly replace with more pleasurable thoughts? That he has no idea of all the crying I have done all these years? All these years when I cried and he walked away without acknowledging my sadness was either that he DID NOT SEE THEM OR it did not register that I needed something from him OR he needed to get away because it was too much for him to handle? All these years I had been thinking he was an uncommitted jerk and I was too sensitive. My tears really have no effect on him. Or is is a NOW/NOT NOW thing and my tears affect him only for an instant and he can turn around and not think of it. It used to make me crazy and sad and angry. Now it makes me feel lonely. I am sure he is thinking of something else by now but I am here on this site trying to sort things out and find an audience for my tears.