Well, after 4 weeks off from counseling, we head back tomorrow. Over this time we have had a downward spiral from the progress that we had made and now (I feel that we are starting again from square one). So after weeks of poor behavior (isolation, explosive outbursts, intimidation, sleeping on the couch, quiting /starting med's w/o drs knowledge, lies, ect from him. And my reacting negatively to all of that behavior) I broke down and reached out to my DH 2 nights ago. I explained that I was offering help from a sincere and loving place and I hoped that he was receiving it in that manner. My concern was he is deeply depressed and doesn't seem to be "bouncing" back but rather sinking farther in. I am concerned that he is losing himself in depression. I offered my help in whatever manner he may need - that I love him and I am here for him. That I am reaching out to him in a loving, caring way. His response was "Thank you". Thats it. He went to bed. Not another word is mentioned - its been 2 days.
I truly felt that I needed and wanted to reach out to him - that whatever he is dealing with right now is more than just the ADD. He has built those walls deep and high and is so distrusting of me that I can read it on his face. I understand this feeling - I know I don't fully trust him either - I want to but.... So he hasn't asked for help (which is okay) but he now wants to pretend that everything is good/normal. The problem is that I don't feel like its good and normal. I know that he avoids any conflict or deep discussion like a plague (its his MO for ADD) and will not initate any conversation to deal with issues and if I do - he becomes defensive and acusses me of being negative, controlling, ect. Maybe its my approach? I can say with certainity that my intentions are in the right place going in but its must not be being received with that message. I really need to be able to discuss issues with him (I would like to be able make GOOD decision TOGETHER again). I want to be able to work together as a couple again - on some level where we are both happy.
Hoping that conseling can get us back on track.