My ADD husband and I had a good day Friday. A bit of a breakthrough occurred and I wanted to share it with you all because sometimes I read these posts and knowing that you all understand my situation is of great comfort. However, sometimes it makes me feel like I am in a situation that will never change or that the odds are stacked against us. So I would like to suggest that a new category is created for positive comments, sharing little breakthroughs, things that happen that give us hope that we can make these relationships work and find happiness together. Here is my little tidbit.
My ADD husband is extremely judgmental and has a very hard time understanding someone else's perception/opinion if it is not like his own. He has had trouble with me, friends, family and co-workers as a result. One of our big arguments was over whether or not it was a good idea to co-sleep with our infant daughter Julia. I really felt like it was a good idea, I read literature on both sides of the argument and coupled it with my mothers intuition, Julia was so much more peaceful and slept so much better when she was in bed with me. He was uncompromising in his position, would not even read the literature I provided for him or do the research on his own to try and understand my position or even to build an argument against it. Finally, after a long battle I began transitioning her to her crib. Fast forward a few months, Friday we were at a friends wedding where coincidentally a conversation with a few friends started about how much they love co-sleeping with their children and on the way home that night my husband said " I need to apologize to you, you were right about co-sleeping, and I am so sorry for not being more open to your ideas." Furthermore, he added " and you can bring this situation up to me in the future when I am not being open/considerate of your ideas and opinions." You could have knocked me over with a feather!!! I instantly began crying as a said "You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you apologize and say this, it makes me feel like maybe my feelings and opinions will finally carry a bit of weight with you, that there is a possibility of a real partnership." As we continued talking about the events that occurred that night I brought up that I overheard one of his co-workers Bill say, "yeah, me and Rick have come a long way." I thought that was peculiar as I know that Rick cannot stand Bill, that he thinks he is incompetent and basically trash, he is always complaining about how he has to set Bill straight (even though Rick has no authority over Bill) and he really gives Bill a hard time. So when I ask Rick about this comment Bill made he said "Yeah, I think I have resigned to the fact that Bill is Bill and that I just have to accept him for who he is." Again! You could have knocked me over with that feather!! I hoped but never thought that I would see the day where Rick would stop trying to force Bill and most of the rest of us to do things his way and be open to the idea that his way is not always the only way.
So today I am feeling hopeful!! I am hoping that this way of thinking, being more open minded and accepting, will continue and help us to form a true, mutually respectful and loving relationship. A step in the right direction to be sure!! Praise God!!