Still haven't found my own little corner

I am fairly new to posting on this site. But, I read a bit for a while before registering in order to post comments myself. However, the more I read on here, and the more I navigate my way around this site and the internet in general, the more isolated and separate I feel in my (I guess very unique) situation. I am an ADHD woman, married to an ADHD man and we have four children, all either diagnosed ADHD or showing all the signs but still too young for diagnosis. We have struggles in our marriage and our parenting and in life in general that are related to our ADHD. But, after scouring forums and websites and social media and blogs and organizations and every book about ADHD I can track down (including nearly all Dr. Hallowell's books and Melissa's book), I still can't find one that truly speaks to my situation. Everything I can find out there is directed to either the ADHDer, the parent of the ADHDer, the spouse of the ADHDer, or the couple where one is ADHD. Yes, all of these categories apply to me in part, but not to my whole situation. Am I the only person to have ever both *had* ADHD *and* been married to someone who also has it? Does anyone out there know of any resources or groups that are available for those of us trying to navigate through life in a marriage and family literally bursting at the seams with ADHD? Many of the struggles and advice I read about are applicable to me, but some very much are not. Some of the challenges we face in our relationship seem completely outside of what it appears the rest of you are experiencing, and well, I'm just looking for a place where I can feel like I am not the first to ever go down this path.

Pbartender's picture

I'm the first in my family to

I'm the first in my family to be diagnosed with ADHD, or to even consider that it might be the root cause of all our traditional problems.  Now that I'm starting to get a handle on it, I've been talking to my mother and all six(!) of my bothers and sisters about it...

We are slowly coming to the conclusion that both our mother and father likely had undiagnosed ADHD (though they each showed it in different ways), and all of us kids probably had -- and still have -- it to one degree or another.  So, I can share all sorts of stories about what it was like to live in a big family bursting at the seams with undiagnosed ADHD, though I don't know how much that would help you other than to share a sympathetic laugh or two.  Your username here certainly exemplifies what it was like living in that sort of household.

I've haven't seen much on that particular situation, either...  Though I seem to remember several similar examples -- families with LOTS of ADHDers -- in the various books.  All the books I'd been reading have gone back to the library, so I'm afraid I can't look them up.

I'll keep an eye out for you.

 

Pb.

Pb, thanks for reaching out

I really appreciate your added perspective on this. I grew up in a home with an undiagnosed ADHD mom and a VERY non-ADHD stepdad. (My bio dad was diagnosed bipolar several years back and then, a few years ago, was also diagnosed ADHD. So, I got it from both sides, but never lived a single day in the same house as bio dad and, thankfully got his genetics but none of his poor example and influence.) My mom may be undiagnosed, but my stepdad is great man who has been a rock for her for nearly 30 years and has had an incredible stablizing effect on her craziness. She has also read a lot about ADHD and does a decent job of managing her symptoms without the aid of an official diagnosis or any meds. (Although, she does self-medicate with caffeine.)

But, I was diagnosed in college and my husband was finally diagnosed a couple years ago, although I knew (and was able to convince him) that he was ADHD since we were engaged. We both still have a lot to learn and are trying to step up and really get a hold of our combined ADHD and stop getting in our own way. With our understanding of ADHD, we have been able to catch it pretty early in our kids, but figuring out how to help them work with it and not go through some of the turmoil we did as undiagnosed kids is a whole new ball game. Managing my own ADHD, and even helping my husband manage his, is completely different than parenting ADHD kids, while both parents are ADHD, too..

It sounds like your childhood home was even more chaotic than my home is these days, and I wasn't sure how possible that was. Ah, the stories we could swap... :)

The "Grow Outta It" Idea

Did many a serious disservice.

The reality being that generally this just didn't pan out to be  true at all.

During that same time there was also that ridiculous idea that it was caused by red food dye.

Gimmee a break.

Just sayin'.