Still Struggling Against Things Impulsively Said

It's been nearly two years since my marriage melted down. Heavy drink was my ex's last straw away from sanity and suddenly he wanted to open our 13 year marriage. Well, he had been pursuing other women before asking but in his impulsive flurry to get approval for this alternative lifestyle. When I said no thanks I'd rather divorce, he had a three month alcohol fueled temper tantrum. I know now he was acting out, depressed, and without the executive functioning to know better at the moment. 

The things he said to me, and up until November last I saw, about me to our mutual friends, I'm at a loss to get over now. I do casually pursue Alanon and know this ADHD/trauma/coping with alcohol crossection is just terribly complicated. I'm also semi dating, thus super vigilant about similarities with other potential suitors. But the core of me is still unsettled about the way I took on mothering this man, the father of my only child, only to be scapegoated and turned away from even trying to improve the situation I never knew was so gnarly. 

Not sure what I'm ultimately seeking here, I'm just in a moment of mourning and wanted to reach out. Thanks adhdmarriage community.