Still at Where do I start?

Hey Yall, I'm a non, married 40 years to a non-diagnosed, untreated ADHD that in my view is severe. I've been studying books, reading blogs, lurking around here and learning more and more. Ruling out certain "tries" that aren't effective, observing and attempting to keep my sanity. Sometimes I wonder if I have dementia or alzheimers or is the chaos of a marriage partner with this enough to make you doubt your own sanity or cause the massive stress that gives chronic brain fog? ok I'm rambling sorry. My question here now is this: How do I approach the "naming" of these issues i.e. the areas where responsibility is not being taken without causing him to feel emasculated? I know my frustration and anger and areas of unawareness aren't helpful so I'm asking "how" to present things SO THAT they are received outside the ego of a man's identity to be protective, caring and helping for his mate. He KNOWS he's disorganized but has no idea how much time it takes for me to keep things from going devcon 12...I think I need a script cuz I don't have the knowledge or tools as yet to right this sinking ship. I sometimes wonder if I'm not being gas lighted cuz I forget things, he forgets things, who's is first and wtf is going on? Every day, there is mail in the mailbox. He never touches any of it. IRS notices, tax bills, attorney threats, serious plan for making sure its not lost. You should see his side of the dining room table with this weeks input all piled up in between food and meds and dirty dishes. I'm losing my mind folks. If I speak to it, my tone is angry, I AM ANGRY!


Desparate and Exhausted