Ok it has been 7 days since Dh and I have begun (what I call) our in house separation. And what a week it has been! Things started off kind of rough for me, but as I began to take control of my life things have certainly improved.
DH has decided to stop all counseling, not sure about any ADD med, and he is not really on any sort of schedule (still is up until all hours of the night) and has been drinking more than usual. His selfish ways are making an appearance again. Yesterday for the 3 hours (total) that he was home he either aruged with my son or me, sleeping or having an outburst and leaving the house. The kids and I still had a good day together. And now today, he has managed to spend the entire day doing his own thing and the kids are with me (which is fine) but Im really feeling taken for granted. Its just so frustrating that it was his idea to stay together and "raise the kids" but all he's managed to do is run his own agenda.
Here is the strange thing, he started out the week full of energy (cleaning the house, making dinner, ect) and that by Friday night - he was taking a nap when I came home from work to pick up my daughter to go to Chuck E Cheese. And of course he needed that nap because he stayed up drinking to late the night before - so again, he is putting his needs before everyone else. And he hasn't done a dang thing in the house since Tuesday night and seems to have no energy to do anything unless he wants to.
And now he is like want to share with me his plans to further his career with additional industry study classes, yada yada yada - like why would I care at this point? This arrangement was his idea - so that he didn't have a marital relationship with me - just to raise the kids together. And he wants to share what he wants to do at the gym and so forth. Just more personal information that I don't need or want to know about. When we were married we shared this type of information. Its as though he is looking for me to give him praise and encouragement - sorry dude! And of course, he hasn't bothered to ask me (yet) how my new job is going, but wants to spout on and on about his life. Blah!!!
In addition if I tell him that I or the kids need something he agrees. Almost like he feels good that I am coming to him with these ideas or suggestions or needs and that he is able to grant them. Whatever!
I feel like he is sending really mixed messages to me about what he wants and I really am not interested in trying to decode his messages any longer. Unless and Until DH decides that he wants to take responsibility for his mental health and begin working toward that goal again. At that point, if asked, I would be willing to offer a supportive hand in his efforts to heal.
I have begun reading Codependant No More - and yeah, its me. No real suprise there! What is cool is that I can see where I was 6 months ago to where I am today and where I want to be.