Submitted by lululove on 11/30/2011.
Hi All, I guess I'm writing this tonight just to update.. Basically i asked my DH to leave- because though I could and have taken many things that I feel were unkind, unfair, disconnected in our relationship- I had to pull the plug when his physical violence kept getting worse and I started to really fear his loss of control. He does not get it! He still blames me for "pushing him" to act the way he does. Its crazymaking- and for a long time I have been believing it. My friends and family have not been able to understand what I have been feeling -neither have I. I just know that this aspect has to stop- and he has certainly acted like he has given up on any emorional connection to me except for that which we have with the kids. He has been cruel and my codependency arched under the pressure. I guess if there were any hope at this point, it must come with some kind of tangible offering from him but I dont see it happening.So now I am just trying to get my bearings- and hopefully pull up the nerve (and stave off my paralyzing fear of being alone/failing financially/everything else) to move on...and like needsalife has said, deal w my DH not wantinng our relationship enough to work on it with me.
I know it must be hard to do...
Submitted by YYZ on
Good for you. Physical abuse from a guy is the most cowardly thing I can think of, sorry... You can get through the fear of the unknown, just look at your recent reality and think of how things can improve. Take care of yourself and your kids.
I'm sorry things have not improved, but you can make things better when you remove the variables that seem to prevent any improvement.
Stay strong :)
I am so sorry. In a way. In
Submitted by SherriW13 on
I am so sorry. In a way. In another way, I truly think you are doing the bravest, and smartest thing there is to do at this point. You are NOT responsible for his aggression towards you, or his apathy towards you, or any other unhealthy and hurtful attitude or behavior he has towards you. He is out of control, he is lashing out at you because he knows he is out of control and you are the most prominent reminder of just how horribly wrong his life has gone. HIS CHOICES, but to blame you helps him sleep at night.
Let him go lady. You do whatever is necessary to take care of you and your kids and protect yourself from this abuse. I have lived through the days of the malicious and vile deflection of blame onto me...not knowing at the time exactly what was happening, but recognizing it now for what it was. It is horrific and not something I would wish on my worst enemy. The words are burned into my brain for eternity..."I love you, but I hate you. All you have ever done is control me and tell me what to do. You have never let me be myself. I can't live with you anymore" and my favorite "you hate my daughter...how can I stay married to someone who hates my daughter?" when she treated me like shit on the bottom of her shoe, still does. I regret that the most...letting HIS feelings about me become a part of how I felt about myself.
You are a strong, beautiful woman with SOOOOOOOOO much joy inside of you just dying to get out. You have so much to offer. You aren't mean, controlling, nagging...you are just hurt and responding the only way you know how to try and regain some control over your life. NOTHING has felt 'ok' in a very, very long time. It is time to feel OK again. Let him go. Breathe. Relax. Cut off communication in as many ways as possible. Fight the urge to contact him or even talk to him and give yourself time to get stronger....and him some time to realize how terribly wrong he is about you. Disengage in the insanity and just 'be' for a while. It hurts like hell, I know, but the best things for us aren't always the easiest.
(((HUGS))) We are here for you!! You are not alone!
Thanks guys. I am taking it
Submitted by lululove on
Submitted by MagicSandwich on
There are so many nice people in this world, and among them are good, positive, fun wonderful, single men. I'm just saying ...