A very good friend of mine is enduring problems much like mine in her marriage. Although her spouse does not, as far as we know, have ADHD, he does seem to have a personality or character disorder that has manifested in similar ways as my spouse's ADHD and related disorders (depression, anxiety, oppositional behavior). My friend and I both struggle with moving forward while bearing the burden of being the main breadwinners, parents, and housekeepers in our families, either without our husbands' emotional and physical contributions or with them behaving in openly contrary ways. She shared the following quotation with me. It has been a great boost to me, because it reminds me of all the ways I've been forced to grow and develop because of having to take on so many tasks that I formerly was uncomfortable with.
"A way to help you cushion the fear of leaving comfort behind is to constantly push yourself beyond your comfort zone. You’ll be amazed at what new bridges form, without consciously building their framework. New opportunities will arise, and toxic factors in your life will fall to the wayside."
Here are some things that I now do because of changes in my husband's behavior; all have made me more independent and self-confident and proud of myself: Preparing income tax returns; preparing financial aid applications; driving in snowstorms and on slippery roads; providing nursing care to our dying dog; with my daughters' help, burying the dog in our backyard; arranging for work to be done on our house; engaging in financial transactions.
What are yours?