Hey, I'm new to this forum so I wanted to say it's good to meet you all. Hopefully I can find some advice from smarter people and give some to others in return.
A little background about me: I am a 30 year old female married to a diagnosed but untreated ADHD posterboy who I love more than anything in the world. I'm not here to complain or fish for reasons to leave him by any means. At the same time, I am in what seems to be the common place of exhaustion, exacpiration, old hurts,and cluelessness about what to do to resolve things and make life easier for both of us.
I'm currently about seven months pregnant with our first child, working full time in a low-income job but going to school remotely full time as well to finish my bachelor's degree. For about a solid year now I have been essentially burning the candle at both ends to keep our lives together despite barely making ends meet. My husband is a good man and he wants to help but struggles to keep a job due to a combo of health issues (bad enough to inhibit his ability to work but not bad enough for disability) and his mental health, including pronounced ADHD, panic attacks and depression. I have been the front line in trying my a$$ off to support him in his struggles there and doing whatever I can to try to facilitate him getting treatment for both his physical and mental health.
Unfortunately, that is a struggle too. I can make all the appointments in the world for him, write them on a calendar and a whiteboard and put them in his phone, but 8/10 times he will still forget and miss it. He has managed to get on antidepressants and meds for his severe asthma but that has taken nearly a year to accomplish. I've tried to get him in to a psych but he's missed that three times now.
We also struggle with communication issues that again, seem pretty common here. I often feel overwhelmed and sometimes get bitter about feeling like I have to do everything myself. I bottle it up until I snap- that's on me and I'm trying to work on it. I struggle with severe anxiety and depression as well so it's easy for me to get stressed out and feel ignored/unheard/alone/not cared about even though it might not be true. His hyperfocusing on hobbies, emotional breakdowns, empty promises, irresponsibility, and not noticing how much pain I'm in cuts like a knife sometimes even though my brain knows none of that is deliberately done to hurt me.
I've exhausted the meager public resources for everything in our area and don't have any family or friends who can do anything to help. In addition, I'm a hormonal mess and in constant pain due to being pregnant and taking on the world out of necessity. I live in financial fear.and am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Today, my husband mentioned that he might want to look for another job when he just started his current job last week due to the physical demands it places on him... I'm panicking inside already. He also just told me yesterday that he was suicidal for over a month last summer and lied to me about it the entire time. I know it was a long time ago but my brain still won't shut up about it. He is still struggling with his depression and his ADHD makes him feel useless - it's a vicious cycle.
Do I even need to mention the dishes piling up or the state of the house? Ha, ha....
I don't mean to be such a huge downer but this is a last resort. What can I do to help him with his ADHD symptoms, improve our communication, and keep myself from going insane with stress? Thanks for reading.