Struggling

Hi, 

This is my first post.  My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.  He refused medication throughout his life and has resisted all aspects of acknowledging that this condition has had major impacts to his life.  We have been married for 5 years and have two young children.  Our marriage has been tough from the beginning due to difficult pregnancies and a breast cancer diagnosis.  Needless to say, we both have been operating on automatic pilot.  We haven't had time to focus on ourselves or each other much but it now seems that my husband is rethinking his need for change and experiences.  He is indicating that he feels stagnant and never lived his life rooted in one place.  This has all come to light during a business trip that he has been on for almost 3 weeks now.

i am left holding it together with the kids, home and full time job.  My job is the stable income while I have supported him through all his ventures but he still never seems satisfied or happy with what he has.  Everything he says to me contradicts so I cannot make heads or tails of what issue he feels there is.  I have had o inkling that there was an issue especially not of this magnitude.  He also consistently tries to put the onus on me for me having issues with myself which I am not denying but it seems there is a lack of taking responsibility.

i am trying to figure out if this behavior is rooted in the ADHD or there really is a compatibility issue between us.  He asked me to make an appt with a counselor for when he comes back so he can sort through what he is feeling.   I need some insight from those who have lived this and  try to gain some strength to carry on in a way that is best for my children and me.

Thank you.

 

I am sorry for what you are going through

Hi Scared70,  I read your post a few days ago and felt such a connection to what you wrote.  I wanted to just say hi and tell you I understand exactly what you are going through.  The things you wrote about are so familiar to me, carrying the entire load of a family, husband saying he feels stagnant, coming to this realization after being on a business trip for 3 weeks. ALL exactly what happened in my marriage.  I believe a lot of what he is feeling is from add but that doesn't give him the right to make you hang on while he figures himself out.  I guess I speak from someone who was married over 25 years until my husband, who by the way traveled all the time, left for good after I found out about an affair.  Its been over 3 years now and the pain is still there every day but I can see so clear now how dysfunctional he is/was and how much emotional abuse I took.  Hopefully a counselor will help you but please don't let his behavior continue to take from your happiness year after year.  I think the one thing most of us on this board would say is that we hung in there way too long and nothing changed. I know how very difficult it is to let go but sometimes we have to so someday we can find happiness.  I wish you the best.  Keep us posted.