Struggling to cope with my husbands adult ADHD/OCD

So for a very long time I have resolved that I was was stuck in an abusive marriage. I stumbled upon this site.  I had no idea that adhd had such devastating symptoms.  I don't want to go into too much detail about the dynamics of our relationship but I will say I am older than he by several years, been married before, and have 3 children from a former marriage. I knew something was different in our relationship early on.  He would bait me into arguments, use force to keep me engaged if necessary, use anger as a fear tactic.  I had always resolved that somehow I hadn't handled the situation correctly or that I caused him to react that way. Over time I have learned his "triggers" which honestly seems like everything these days. I call it the blame game, but every time I bring up my feelings "I am playing the victim".  Or every time I show any emotion or bring up any serious issues He runs to his shop and stays.  He doesn't want to see me, talk to me, and definitely not work on resolving the issue at hand.  He runs from any amount of confrontation and says I intimidate him.  He has little to no responsibility around the house. I hold all the financial responsibility for the home. He spends little to no time with me and the girls.  He owns his own business which he is always "waaaay" behind and says this is the reason he has to sleep at his shop.  After reading the forums I see that our 5 year relationship follows most typical adhd relationships.  The hyperfocus stage in our relationship is gone and I am left with the aftermath.  Several times in our relationship and marriage whenever life gets too real he will leave.  Pack all his stuff and be gone. He always claims to everyone else I kicked him out. I was really hurt by the fact that he moved in with friends once and paid them rent money!!!! He never paid me rent money!  I am at my whits end and feel the only way to salvage my sanity is to move on. With out him in my life.  We went to visit him at his shop the night before last and we interrupted a program he was watching, which set him off, then my youngest daughter was too loud in the hall which set him off.  We feel like we are a problem to him and cant do anything right. Out of hurt feelings and my frustration as well I decided to take the girls home.  When I get home I call him to tell him that he hurt my feelings and made us feel unwelcome. We just wanted to spend time with him because he's never home. He immediately gets angry and and says of course Im playing a victim. and I need to grow up.  He's not gonna do this with me.  blah blah blah. So he ignored me for the rest of the night. and the next morning texts me to tell me to stay away from his shop. So i did as he asked, stayed away, didnt call him, didnt text him. And this morning I wake up to see on facebook that he drove quite a few miles away to go have dinner with friends last night.  He cant even drive five minutes to come home. I am trying not to let his behavior hurt me but I feel he does this maliciously.  He has talked several times to me about medication.  He knows he needs it.  I feel it is the last option we have to save our marriage.  But I know him, If I tell him he needs to get on meds or Im gone....he will refuse out of sheer spite. And at this point he's not talking to me and probably wont even try to. Hopeless