Struggling to Want to Move Forward

I have been married for almost 15 years and for the last 6 years we have really been struggling. I have only stayed for the kids and my son who also has many issues. Over a year ago our son who is now 7 was diagnosed with ADHD. We both knew without saying it, even the doctors pegged it by meeting my husband that it was coming from him. Typically,the way things have worked in our marriage the last six years is that nothing is really done until I am completely miserable and want out.

He is now finely looking into getting an official diagnosis and medication, which is good. But for me I think it may be too late. I am a successful teacher who manages her work life and home life for the most part pretty good. However, as far as an emotional connection with each other we do not really have one. I am not sure where to go from here and have started reading Melissa's book.

I am not sure I have the energy or drive left to go through the  frustration, hurt and anger I have experienced. I know it is going to take a lot on my part to move forward, but every time we have tried we have failed. I have respect for him as a man and a father, but I do not love him. I feel lost. At least because of this forum I do not feel alone.

I know logically divorce or separation would be very difficult on both of my children, but I am not sure I am ready to go through the starting lets try this now phase once yet again. After six years of this I am tired, drained, and lack a sense of hope. If you talk to my husband he is much more optimistic and believes this time, with treatment, it will work.

Thanks for reading this. I have never written on this forum before.

Welcome. My advice: Give it a


My advice: Give it a chance. Set a timeline for improvement (a reasonable one), and if you don't see measurable changes, then consider the out option. As a child of divorce, I don't think the parents truly understand how devastating it is. The shuffling back and forth is awful. The being stuck in the middle between two people who love you just doesn't work. If parents talk down about each other, it gets worse.

Provided that your husband is not abuser, alcoholic/druggie, or chronic cheater, you owe it to your kids to give it a little longer. And from what I read, you will only carry your baggage into another relationship and potential marriage. The divorce rate on second marriages is even higher than first marriages. You say you don't love him now, but you loved him once, right? Could you love him again? Ask yourself that question after he seeks treatment. There was a time that I didn't love my husband either (well deep down I think I really did despite the challenges and hardships). I was drained. I didn't trust him. I didn't really want much to do with him. But after we got into some joint counseling, things slowly but surely started to turn around. The real turning point was when I decided that I wanted to let go of the past (and his past mistakes) and just move forward. That was when things really started to turn around. That and his taking responsibility for his actions...heck, for his life.

If you husband is willing to get help and follow through with it, then let him. That's a huge first step.

Hang in there.