Successful, Motivated ADHD Husband, but Feel Alone

My husband of 17 years was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and he felt a revelation inside, an AHA moment if you will. He finally had pinpointed what he had been feeling since childhood. Placed in a resourse room in school because of his grades, but always winning the heart of his teachers with his wit, sense of humor and energy, he managed to get through hign school. Receiving a soccer scholorship for college was the 1st real test to see if he could function on his own, only to fail out after 2 years because he couldn't manage "it all". No wonder?

He took risks as an adult, married with 3 kids, and successfully owns his own business. He is a motivation speaker and "Wow's" his particpants with his energy, creativity and it passion. So what is wrong? Sounds all good, right?

Then why do I feel like he is a roomate, instead of a life-partner? He travels a lot and the dynamics of our marriage is this. He leaves and everything is in order (and beleive me I am not a "stick in the mud", I do give in and I have become very flexible over the years and with 3 boys). I was home with my kids when they were young (basically raising them alone), and now I am back teaching elementary school and working full time. When he travels life is a routine, and just the way I like it. Then all "hell" breaks loose when he arrives home. He is like a whirlwind.  I just have such a hard time transitioning and he is off in his own world when he is home. He spends alot of time drinking and hanging in his home office. He does things with the kids when "he" wants to do them or if it interests him. He has such a hard time breaking out of the "me, me, me" philosophy and when we discuss it he gets angry or wallows in "I'm not a good father". attitude. We have come to realize that he works best off "lists" so when things have to be done around the house, this is how we go about it.

We have considered spilting on several occasions. We have seeked counseling together and seperate. That seemed to help, until it was forgotten. I know I should be thrilled that he is willing and open to discussion and counseling, but the tools learned last a few weeks and then we are back to the same old, same old. It is like a circle that continues to roll. What bothers me most is that when he drinks (beer) he cannot stop. So having a few beers in out of the question. Is he an alcoholic, probably. But will not even consider getting help there.

So why do I feel so lonely all the time? I want a best-friend who takes interest in the kids and my life.

I hope I have not rambled too much, just seeking advise. Maybe someone can give me feedback?