Superwoman or Enabler?

Hi-so glad to have found this forum.  I have ordered the book as well.

I have been married to a kind, gentle man for 14 years.  He struggles with severe dyslexia and ADD (no hyperactivity).  This is undiagnosed.  However, we have four children.   Three of them have dyslexia and one of them has ADHD as well (possibly two).  The other is a baby so we don't know about her yet.  I homeschool them due to the lack of resources in our public schools for dyslexia (I am a teacher by trade).  I work full time from home in online education.  I'm nursing a baby.  I'm active in my community as well.  My husband owns his own business and he does well.  However, organizationally, it is a nightmare.  I think it only stays afloat because people like him so much.  I handle all the accounting, billing, organization, etc. for his business.  I feel overwhelmed most of the time by all my responsibilities.  He is in denial about his issues (couldn't even talk about our daughter's dyslexia for a while--I went through all of that with the schools and getting her diagnosed for special ed services by myself--ended up with the shingles, but I digress).  After our children were diagnosed, he has just started to admit to the dyslexia.  He doesn't even check his own email.  He cannot log in to his business bank account.  I met with his accountant for the business taxes.  I stay up late at night after they've all gone to bed and do my job, his billing, prepare our children's lessons for the next day.  I'm angry.  Everyone thinks I'm superwoman.  My New Year's Resolution was to stop doing anything for his business.  I set him up on new software (that I researched, loaded and transferred data by myself) and showed him how to use it so he could share in the responsibility.  It is super easy (I found the easiest method for those that are not computer minded).  We went two months without billing and got into a money crunch where we couldn't pay bills because he had not entered anything.  I finally had to just clean it up and do it myself.  This has happened twice.  We've thought about hiring someone, but I honestly don't think anyone could work for him.  I find pieces of paper with client numbers everywhere.  I have no coffee cups because he leaves them all in his vehicle.  No help with homework.  No help with paying bills.  I feel like I have to stay SO on top of everything or the ship will sink.  Have I become an enabler?  If I stop, we could get into financial issues again--by the way, he had plenty of business--he just hadn't billed them....I find myself vassilating between feeling sorry for him because it truly is such a disability.  He cannot spell even the simplest of words.  Texting is a nightmare.  He won't even order anything online because he has to type words.  He is in denial about his issues and often has excuses for things...For instance, say he forgot to call on a customer....they cancel service.  And instead of thinking "I've got to get more organized" he says, "they were a pain to deal with anyway."  Our last two employees have quit because he simply does not manage them.  So now, our newest hire is going to be dealing directly with me because I don't want to get into another situation where they aren't even pulling their weight because he is not managing them as he should.  That being said, my husband works hard. He runs around like a maniac all day trying to get to all his accounts.  It just takes him so long to get things done.  However, he helps with the kids.  He changes diapers.  He cooks most of our meals.  And he cleans.  But he can't even take the kids to activities in his truck because when you open the door, stuff falls out.  I'm rambling...But I think we need counseling.  I'm starting to almost lose respect for him.  I mean, good grief, he asks me to send emails for him.  I'm just so tired.  

He also isn't very affectionate.  He told me this morning he was going to start doing better and acknowledging all I do for our family.  He hugged me and told me he appreciated me.  But this is after years of practically begging for my "gold star."  Or a birthday gift with some thought behind it and not last minute.  Or just some token of affection at all.  The thing is, I know he loves me dearly.  He is just so darn distracted all the time.  

Lately, I've noticed he seems almost depressed.  He just seems tired.  Lack of interest in things he used to love to do (like cooking).  

He says when I nag (and I nag a lot)  that he is a good husband and he is always with his family (not out cheating and whatnot).  And he is.  But I tell him all the time--It's like you are here, but you aren't HERE.  He is this avid outdoorsman but he has never done any of that with his own children. I'm begging him to go and be engaged in an activity with them not someone just in the background. Gosh, the more I write this, the more I realize how bad it has gotten.....

Help!  I need a life preserver!