Suspecting that husband has ADD... ?


I've read a bit about ADD symptoms, and they seem to fit my husband to a T.  Can anyone tell me if my suspicions are accurate?  Here are some of his traits that are red flags:

-MISTAKES: He has trouble owning up to his mistakes (impulsive spending, bringing drugs into the house, paying bills late and defaulting on loans.)  Absolutely freaks out if i call him out on mistakes...  says things like "I'm a loser, I can't do anything right" and has extreme difficulty finding solutions.  Even ones that seem obvious.  He gets overwhelmed easily too.  He says he gets defensive because of the tone I'm using, but honestly, even with a gentle tone he still is this way... there is always an excuse for his behavior, and is appalled when, now, there are boundaries and consequences.

-DISORGANIZATION: he's disorganized at home, at work, constantly floundering.  He doesn't seem to know how to slow down.  Organization to him is buying more stuff, puttering then forgetting about it, then buying more.  At work, he is a "yes man" and does others' jobs, so there's little time for his own, and he's almost always overwhelmed.  He's been in school for seven+ years, plodding along, without any real drive to finish.  He said he's afraid to finish because he's afraid to fail.  It's been hard to get him to be responsible around the house - he fights any housework, then is upset that the house doesn't feel like his.  Says he needs a list for him to do chores.  (A list that says.. pick up after yourself?)

-DEPRESSION: Huge.  Beats himself up and blames the rest on me.  Says he has nightmares about his failures, how his life is a failure.  He waits for me to pull him out of this depression - if only I would give him more affection, etc, then everything would be okay.  And that his home life is the cause for his screw ups at work.  He has seemed depressed for six months now, he keeps trying to bait me - setting up impossible situations so he can lash out, I guess bringing me down to his level. 

-ADDICTIONS: iphone, video games, compulsive spending, booze, sex, adrenaline you name it.  He is in denial of these addictions. 

He feels out of control to me.  Help, what should I do?  He's seeing a therapist and she hasn't diagnosed anything; he feels he doesn't need to go on the antidepressants she recommended.  Meanwhile he's still feeling "low" and I can't do or say anything right, so I try not to react to his mind games.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.