My husband has ADD and sometimes I just wish I had a muzzle!!! He talks so much and not only talks too much but he overshares and talks to people about things that I feel should be kept to himself. Opinions,stories and things that should remain in his head or conversations that we've had, husbadn wife things that I want to just die and crawl into a hole and hide sometimes. He is a love him or hate him personality. People either think he's too much and dislike him, they think he's fake and over doing it on purpose for attention or they think he's the friendliest and most nice guy around. But sometimes I feel like he just can't help himself and he will go on and on and I can see the look on peoples faces that they are annoyed or looking like "what's with this guy?". I most of the time don't care what people think, but I admit sometimes I feel like as my husband he is a reflection of me. If I had a dollar for the many times I have been told jokingly "Man, how do you put up with this guy" I would be a millionaire. His love him or hate him personality has already caused problems between me and my family and some friends. I find myself fearing that people will just not understand him and won't see the good parts of him, only the overwhelming parts and that they will form a negative opinion of him. I find myself keeping our life very private as to avoid hearing anyone say something negative about him. I know I shouldn't care, but it's hard.
I feel badly because I see him struggle in his family and friendships because of his strong personality. Sometimes I just want to scream, shut up!!! I hate to see people judge him because they think he's just obnoxious and doesn't know how to be quiet. I know that this has been the problem many times at the more than 40 jobs he's has since he was a teenager. He is a naturally friendly guy, he lived a very unstable childhood and skipped from school to school(when he attended) and so part of this is just he needed to be talkative and friendly to make new friends constantly. It bothers me so much that people don't always see all the good parts of him. He is so caring and loving but also has a very loud and difficult part of his personality too. Keeping jobs has been difficult not only due to the disorganization and chaos but his mouth has gotten him in trouble alot. He can feel when people get frustrated with him or dislike and it only makes it worse. He talks more, louder, talks over people, repeats himself and eventually blows up. I just don't know how to handle it. I can handle it when it's us. I have learned how to deal for the most part. He has gone to therapy, doesn't deny that he's got ADD and recognizes other effects that his childhood has had on him. He tried meds and that only zombied him out and I must say it did calm him down but part of his personality disappeared to. He really is a good person and it makes me so sad that relationships and career suffer because he just can't shut his mouth sometimes.
I don't want to change his personality but I just wish so badly that he would realize the problems that his way of communicating causes him. I get so tired sometimes of standing there listening to him say things and I just feel like screaming or putting my hand over his mouth. I have tried to explain nicely to him that there is a such thing as being too honest and you don't have to tell people everything, and be so talkative and that he doesn't have to always 'perform' just be normal. He always thinks I am just trying to control him and I don't want him to talk ever. No that's not it, I just wish he would try a little harder to control the energy that he brings and that if he shut up sometimes, then maybe life wouldn't seem to always be such a struggle. He wants to work and when he's been without a job, he's always been looking for work, he feels good when he works, feeling accomplished and having a purpose adds a wonderful level of confidence to him. But it's been the typical ups and downs of feeling really good when he's doing well then when he's lost jobs feeling really down and like a loser. This last job he was laid off, not fired. But what about the next job, how can he carry on work relationships when i am his wife, I choose him and I have trouble handling it sometimes. I just wish he would stop and think before he speaks and listen to how some of the things he says sound before he says them. We all have some kind of internal editing that we do before we speak, he has none and it's so hard.