Temper Like a Tornado

My wife and I are recently married (2011). Before and after that, I have endured her explosive temper on more occasions than I can count. Most of the time it is over small stuff. For example, this morning I didn't give the cats enough food in their dishes, didn't let one of them drink water out of the bathtub faucet, and accidentally let one in our bedroom (shouldn't be in there). I was about to leave for work and she was still getting ready. She yelled at me for the cat food, cat water, and not getting the cat out of the bedroom immediately; that she would be late to work because of me. I just sat there and took it, resenting her for yet again blaming me for all the wrongs in our lives.

When she was done ranting, I apologized as I always do. She gets angry if I don't hear every word she says, don't cook right, and so many other things that deserve a simple comment instead of accusatory words and agitated emotions. We've been to counseling and read a few marriage books, but none have had much affect on these situations. The counselor thinks she has ADHD. He admitted to having it himself and after describing symptoms and behavior, my wife thinks she has it too. After meeting with him and reading about it on the internet, I am convinced she does. She would have tried Ritalin, but we are trying to conceive and she can't take it. So I look forward to getting yelled at every few days when I don't deserve such treatment.

What really kills me is that when she calms down later, she doesn't apologize. Sure, she can't help it. But it is rare that she apologizes for getting so upset over trivial things. I feel taken for granted and unappreciated. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes over and over. But unless a mistake is very significant (left stove on which burned down house), no one deserves to be yelled at for making them.

I will get your book and see it if helps. When she yells these days, I feel emotionally beaten knowing I have to endure this treatment until I'm dead.

I don't think it is wise( just yet),

I don't think it is wise(just yet) to have kids with her until she learns how to clam down the temper.It is hard enough just dealing with the cat much less a "baby" right now.I could tell that you love your wife a great deal when you last mention that( you have to endure this treatment until your dead) that's absolutely not true!! you should try working on the relationship and bringing it to that place it should be for (both of you).Having a family with the person you love so dearly is very important, but not with the anger outburst and tantrums, you might want to consider putting that on hold for the sake of the relationship first.

Bringing kids in to that environment is not healthy for the kids especially and that is my request to you.Try and work out communication skills with her and get to the bottom of the anger with the right meds and therapy also you could use Melissa's book as one of your great tools,it helped me a lot with dealing with my ADHD husband.Also the forums here is a great place to start if you need help.

I wish you the best of luck,I know it's not going to be easy,it's not easy for me either but hang in there and things (just might improve for you)

good luck!


I agree. You don't need to

I agree. You don't need to bring a baby into this. It will drive a wedge between you. She'll be yelling at you because you didn't do something right with the baby, instead of the cats. And she needs to get help before she can be her best at being a mother. I don't envy you though, if you decide to tell her that.

Maybe suggest that you see counselors on your own? You need some help getting through this and she needs some help for the ADHD, if she has it.