I'm the wife and I'm the one with ADHD. I was officially diagnosed two weeks ago and am on day two with meds and I can definitely feel a big difference. So that's great. I hope it continues to be that way. But. It might just be too late. It's just so cruel and unfair to everyone involved. I am willing to do anything to fix things. Anything. Which of course my husband has heard many times before and so naturally even though he knows this time actually is different, he is highly skeptical and fearful. He has simply shut me out on an emotional level. He can interact with me just fine but when it comes to couple/relationship stuff, there's nothing there but a big fat wall. And he is incredibly aware of that fact and we talk about it every day. Which isn't much because he works in the evenings and has also taken to staying out until 1, 2 or sometimes 3 in the morning. But I make sure I wake up to get even a few minutes of his time. It's almost as if he consciously decided to put it up. He has no suggestions for me as to what I can do to break through it. His whole thing right now is he just doesn't have any answers about anything or even an inclination in his mind as to how all of this is going to turn out. He is willing to see a counselor, but is also skeptical that anyone will be able to provide any insight or real help. Other than seeing a counselor, I am currently at a loss for what to do next. I do plan to (attempt) to start working on plans to get things running more smoothly with our household and our kids. I do have control over that at least. Unfortunately I can't do anything at the moment on the relationship front if he won't engage me on that level. Right? Or are there things I could/should be doing that might help? Has anyone else dealt with a disconnected non-ADHD spouse? I want to stay together - aside from these issues, we have built a life together that I cherish.
Submitted by Emily D. on 10/07/2010.