Thank You

I hear a small voice inside me accompanied by an almost imperceptible tug at my stomach, that says, “I think you’ve made it, Rita. I think you understand now and are closer to the truth.”

 

I had expected him to be home by five and it was a little after six in the evening. He was still at work, looking for his glasses.

 

I had just finished reading “Driven to Distraction, and after searching the Internet for “Edward Hallowell”, his and Melissa Orlov’s discussions about being married to husbands with ADD had become my support group. 

 

And so I said, with my mind racing past my emotions – “It’s all right.  There’s no rush.”

 

I am so proud of myself.  It has taken me five decades to get to this point.

 

I am me.  I am my own best friend.  And he is who he is, and will not change. 

 

To get to this point I have had to separate in my head the illusion, the wish, the expectation that I had developed around “my husband”. Do you know that that has been harder than anything I have ever been asked to do?

Trying to let go of hope

Trying to let go of hope without bitterness, without the loss of self, without regret for life's energy lost, that is the journey. Learning to let go of any expectations, let go of a hope for security, or of progress in life's tasks. Let go of the dream of being a team. I have a tiny paper in in my night stand drawer that says "let go of attachment to outcomes". Finding this site has helped me start to grieve, hopefully letting go with grace will follow.

Does anyone have any tips to

Does anyone have any tips to letting go? how do i learn to be me again? not the super bitch trying to hold everything together? how do i find myself again?

Re:tips for yourself

First thing is to take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly.

Then tell yourself you are only responsible for you and then kids if you have them and not everyone else's crap. Don't take responsibility for everyone else's crap either. You may feel the responsibility that if you don't do it noone else will. But thats o.k. prioritize the things you are trying to hold together don't do it ALL!! you can't.

I undertand your words and hear the pain. I was where you are and had a breakdown, some of the things I've done for myself is start believing in myself again. I forgot who I was, and thought of myself as a B too. I learned about boundaries and started taking time to do the things I use to enjoy but gave them up because of all the crap in my life. I started to do my art work and writing again. I take time out for myself by going and having a cup of tea on my front porch. I tell the kids its MY TIME:] I try to be thankful for the little things and accept the things I cannot change. I am not taking responsibility anymore for what did I do wrong, If I don't do it noone else will and I can't stand myself because I've turned into a monster. Speak truth to yourself and get together for girl time or support group talking about all the stuff in your life is really good get it out. I hope this is helpful to you. If you even take small steps they will get bigger until you find your stride:] best wishes.. 

Reply to Amgock

Someone once told me that life was like juggling lots and lots of balls.  Some were made of rubber and would bounce when dropped; some were made of wood and would not break; but there were some that were made of glass and would break.  This person told me to figure out which were the balls that were glass and to juggle them carefully, which ones were made of rubber and would bouce back and which were wood and could just be dropped.  We try to be superwoman but we can't be and that's where a lot of our frustration and anger comes from.  I know that many times I tried to do God's work and He just needed me to get out of His way.