Is there ANY way of making an untreated ADHD Spouse understand THEY choose this hell

My bf of 10 years has ADHD, diagnosed as a child. However, as an adult refuses to seek medical advice and treat his ADHD. We lived the honeymoon phase, believe it or not for 6 years. And when we were forced to endure a series of catastrophic events, one which was my father's sudden passing, the honeymoon ended quite suddenly without us even realizing what had happened. We are now stuck in a parent/child like relationship, so much so he sleeps on the couch. 

He will not seek medical advice and seek medication and has the worst angry out bursts over the most random ideas of what HE hears me say. I really miss the guy I fell in love with, and I desperately want our lives back. 

I am a very independent woman, and until recently could handle the physical and mental responsibility of running the house, as long as he "got up and went to work every day". One of those events mentioned earlier was exacerbated by him. Which has left me unable to continue to be employed in my chosen career of 25 yrs, and unable to walk with out assistance now. He has either chosen to ignore his part, or avoids accepting what part he played in me now needing him physically to carry any weight I literally used to so whenever I ask him nicely to please, take out the garbage, or to put the roaster down in that cupboard, or to sweep the floor, it is WWIII. I can't even ask him to please come cuddle with me in bed because i don't feel good without resistance. And being made to feel like I am a huge burden and what I ask of him is such an inconvenience. 

Any opportunity to discuss how really unhappy I am about certain things, we need to work on or fix, or change the situation in general results in more hurtful things yelled and never apologized for, more time in silence and loneliness. And I feel 3 more steps back. I am more than open to creating charts, or making adjustments to help him to not forget so many things I have asked of him, and he won't have any of that. He can't or won't see how much he DOES forget, either what he said, what he was going to do. I know that if he took some kind of meds he would be better able to "take charge of his life" and better equipped to start taking charge around here. He won't even decide what to order for pizza for me! It's been 10 yrs, and he doesn't even know what my fave flavor of chips are! I don't know when he last walked into a grocery store. I need to be able to rely on him more, and I don't know how to get him to realize that if he doesn't step up, he will have to step out, and all he has to do is make that choice. I have no doubt that if I could secretly drug him and point out in a few months the difference it makes in our lives I would. Then he could finally admit his ADHD symptoms are ruining our lives now. 

I hate the things he says, his lazy selfish attitude towards me, and where we are headed if he doesn't seek help soon. 


Drag him there kicking and screaming!? Been there, embarrassing beyond belief, and lucky nobody was arrested. Police attendance due to our fighting is to be expected at least once a yr. But it's happening more often in public, and I can't hang my head in shame much longer.