I am going to really brush over most of the details because, quite frankly, they have been repeated a million times on this forum from what i have read. I am the male adhd spouse in a 27 year relationship with 2 great kids. Our relationship took a real nose dive about 4 years ago as i sunk into a depression that i did not see or understand. I detached from my wife and my kids a lot. I didn't know that i was having difficulty dealing with adhd. I knew i had it when i was a child but never understood what it really was, besides the major hyperactivity i had growing up. That passed in my late teens/early twenties so i really thought i had simply "outgrown" it. LOL!!! Anyways,our relationship spiraled out of control until we finally started marriage counseling a little over a year ago. At the same time i started individual counseling. I'm on meds and they help a lot with many things but they don't fix anything-not that they should-i get that. Due to the stresses of having to deal with all my baggage, my wife suffers from and is dealing with depression. Our problems are the same as all the others on the forum-every single one of them-chores, attention, anger, communication, lies, manipulation, deflection, etc etc etc. I love my wife. I really do. It kills me to see her unhappy and she's been drinking heavily to top it all off lately. I try to get better, i do, then i backslide or something sets me off yada yada. So after a 6 week period in which she's really hurting, kicks me out, drinks to excess a number of times and we fight numerous times with me trying to deescalate them knowing i have breaking points, she sits down and asks me what we do. I said we need to separate. This makes it worse again lol (she's stated we are getting separated or divorced no less than 4 times in this 6 week period). We've made up so many times, and things have and did get better but it's not like they were like our courtship-which she craves and i know is something i'll never be able to give her or anyone else again-it was classic adhd infatuation (we were teens at the time). I guess i'm looking for both adhd spouses and non adhd spouses to comment on why it is ok to let go. To move on. I really want her to be happy. She's been my best friend, my only love and an exceptional mother and this is killing her. It's killing me as well. I was once the life of the party, always happy, super outgoing and i've lost that. I've told her and my therapist-i feel weary-stretched too thin. I have no desire for another relationship, just time to heal and find my way. Time to focus on being a great dad (that is thankfully getting a lot better over the last year). We're caught in a vicious circle that is tightening and i need it to stop before it reaches centre. She tells me everything is my fault-i do not believe nor accept this but i'll take 80% of the blame. She tells me i alone can fix it-again i do not believe this and every time we've made REAL progress, it's been her willing to meet me part of the way that has facilitated that change. I think we're just too broken to fix anymore. Did you divorce? Are you happier?(either of you). Did you find any peace? In particular, adhd spouses-was the alone time beneficial to dealing with adhd?