There is hope in the frustration

Like any disease that is untreated it can get out of control. The messy house, unpaid bills - it is all chaos 24/7. It never seems to end. I have been reading this forum for about a year, trying to figure out how to fix myself, my husband and our children. After doing research, changing our diets, taking vitamins and listening to beta music I now have hope and felt that I needed to make my first post.

Over the last 15 years my ADHD has spiraled out of control - I am still a high functioning ADHD person. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder, but that diagnosis was wrong - I have ADHD. I have one desire and that is to be well. The side effects of medicines have been horrible, so I decided to find an alternative. I might add that I have a child that was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I am pretty sure two of our other children have ADHD. So anyone living with an ADHD spouse can only imagine the nightmare at my house.

I have been on the verge of divorcing my husband who has ADHD, but I love him too much and refuse to divorce him. His ADHD is the worst and makes the rest of us in the house look like a walk in the park. 

So with dogged determination I have been on a quest to find alternative healing. But there is one key here for anyone living with, or with someone who has ADHD. The person who has the disease HAS to have the desire to get better. There is no amount of yelling or demanding that will change anyone who has ADHD. All it does is make us shut down even more.

I have read so many forums, books and websites about this disease to try and get a better grip on what it really is, and it is a disorder of the brain and how the brain works. People with ADHD have frontal lobe issues. Dr. Amen's websites, books and audio tapes have been a life saver in understanding the disease. I also took part in listening to an ADHD tele-summit that was wonderful. I have spent hours researching the disease, how to cope, and change patterns of behavior.

The biggest things I have changed are diet, and vitamins. I did see some improvement, but it doesn't seem to be the magic bullet. But it has helped. The biggest thing I have found is beta audio recordings. I cannot even begin to express how much this has changed me. I have always felt like there was a black hole in the front of my head, and that my right and left side of my brain just couldn't connect. I did not know what to expect when I listened to the audio. I felt a rush of blood in my head. It was bizarre, and kind of freaked me out.

After one hour of listening to the Beta sounds my mind seemed to click like I had never felt before. I had energy, and I didn't feel overwhelmed with the normal simple task that would ordinarily overwhelm me. I now listen for about an hour a day.

I have been doing this for only a short-time, and will not introduce it to the rest of the family until I feel that it will truly help. I finally have hope for myself. And what I realize that as a mom with ADHD I have to have my life together before I can manage a family of ADHD people. And for the first time since I can remember I feel like a different person and I am so very excited. I feel together and my brain feels organized. I almost feel what I think normal people feel like. Things like cleaning and organizing don't overwhelm me anymore. I no longer put off laundry for a month. Doing the dishes doesn't seem like such a chore. My head feels orderly and I want my life orderly. It has been an amazing transformation.

I have gone from suicidal thoughts to being excited about living. I no longer obsess about divorcing my husband because of his ADHD. My brain doesn't feel like a black hole.

After I found the beta music I began researching Audio therapy for ADHD. Then it all made sense. From what I understand is that people with ADHD have low beta waves and high theta waves. I also read several studies on Neurofeedback and Biofeedback. I am hopeful that I can find someone in my area that can help us with Neurofeedback therapy. People complain that it is expensive, but I promise living with untreated ADHD is way more expensive than spending a few thousand dollars on a healing therapy.

I have been at my lowest points over the last three years. On the verge of financial ruin, and hopelessness. The depression has made the ADHD worse for me and my husband. It has spiraled out of control. Any ray of hope, anything that will help my brain is worth a shot. I do hope everyone who is on here the best. And whatever it is, taking medicine, audio therapy, diet, exercise, behavior modification, etc... Something is sure to work, but in order for anything to work you have to accept the disease and find a way to heal. Berating, crying, yelling, screaming, giving up on ADHD won't make it any better. People with ADHD cannot use their might and will to get better, no more than a person with a broken arm can heal themselves by willing their arm to heal. It is a brain disorder. The way our brain functions is not like others. We have to change the chemisty of our brain, be it vitamins, medicine or other alternative methods.

 

Pbartender's picture

Keep it up!

"I finally have hope for myself. And what I realize that as a mom with ADHD I have to have my life together before I can manage a family of ADHD people. And for the first time since I can remember I feel like a different person and I am so very excited. I feel together and my brain feels organized. I almost feel what I think normal people feel like. Things like cleaning and organizing don't overwhelm me anymore. I no longer put off laundry for a month. Doing the dishes doesn't seem like such a chore. My head feels orderly and I want my life orderly. It has been an amazing transformation."

Excellent!  I've only been at this a couple of months myself, and I too have gotten to just about that same place, with that same realization...  "Physician, heal thyself," as the saying goes.  It's a liberating and empowering place to be.

Hang onto it...  Keep it up.  And don't forget that this is the person you were meant to be, that you can choose to be.

 

Pb.