I am new here and to ADHD. I'm feeling really lost and am losing hope. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD 2 months ago. He is seeing a psychologist, who specializes in ADHD, once a week. Of course I never thought that there would be any big changes happening this soon, but I am incredibly worried about his lack of follow-through. I would have to say that is the biggest issue for me. I've learned to live with him not finishing chores around the house, forgetting to pay bills, etc. (I have taken over our finances because of that). But now it's happening with his treatment, which is a very big deal.
When we discussed him seeing a psychologist, I told him my #1 concern was him actually going to his appointments and doing what the therapist says. He assured me that he was going to take things seriously and that he would keep himself accountable by always making the next week's appointment at the end of his session. I will give him credit for doing that. He always schedules his next appointment and he always goes to his appointments. The problem is, he is making no effort to do what the psychologist suggests. He comes up with flimsy excuses as to why he can't do certain things or he simply will not even try the suggestions. If I remind him of what he told me the psychologist suggested trying that week or ask if he has tried it, he usually just ignores me. I make sure to bring it up in a non-threatening way and I do not bring it up more than once that week because I do not want him to feel attacked. The psychologist has made suggestions such as - keeping a notebook, meditation, using alarms, exercise, etc - and also suggested a couple books to read. The doc only brings up one or two suggestions a week in order to not overwhelm him. I bought him a notebook that he has only used twice, both times writing down a short list of groceries I needed him to get. Usually if I send him out to get a couple things like that, I write the list and give it to him. So when he grabbed his notebook and said he'd write it down himself, I was excited and thought that meant he was actually using the notebook to remember things at work and just in life in general. But that is not the case. He has done the meditation mp3 that the doc sent him twice, both times at my urging. And that's about it. I also bought the books for him that he hasn't touched.
I realize that everyone is different and not all things are going to work equally well for everyone. But I feel that he should be at least making an attempt at trying what the psychologist suggests to see if it would indeed work for him or not. I know it is going to be a lot of trial and error to find what best works for him, but he's not willing to even try. I know that he is going once a week for an hour to see the psychologist, but only doing that is not going to help him.
The last couple years have been miserable for me. I finally saw this glimmer of hope for our marriage when he was diagnosed. Finally we had a name and could do something about it. I found "The ADHD Effect on Marriage" book online and couldn't put it down. I was reinvigorated and felt like we weren't the only ones anymore. I have been spending a lot of time looking inward, taking an honest look at my part in the state of our marriage. The problem is that as far as I can tell, by his actions and what he tells me, he really doesn't see the point in following through with the therapy and trying what the doc suggests. I feel that it's unfair that I'm putting a lot of time and effort into saving our relationship and helping him. All I'm expecting in return is that he tries what the physiologist suggested for that week and then determine if it helped or not. If it helped, keep doing it. If not, THEN stop; instead of stopping before you started.
So my question is - Can I help him follow through with his therapy? If so, how? I really need to know if there is anything more I can be doing. Thank you!