THings are(were) looking up

Hello.

I havent been on in a couple weeks, Ive been to let everyone to know that since Ive been to the doc a few weeks ago. Things have been better. Ive made some changes for the better and have been feeling a lot better. Ive been keeping to a schedule. Keeping track of things. Treating my wife a whole lot better than I ever have. Ive been complimenting her way more than ever. Just everything seems good in general. Then to now. She doesnt know why Ive become happy all of a sudden and doesnt care. And she wants me to stop because she doesnt believe any of it and its making her mad actually.   Im stuck and I dont know what to do.

Just Show Her...

The past causes us all to be suspect BS....It's difficult to accept someone has the ability to See themselves...and Change themselves....Although it happens everyday...I suggest you just continue working on you, and be patient w/ her...(don't read to much into her disdain and doubt) If you do that she will come around in time as your new self awareness and self discipline becomes a reality she can put her Trust in!

Blessing BS

C

Keep going

She is, in essence, saying that she likes the changes but doesn't want to end up disappointed.  It's easier to revert to what she knows than risk getting her hopes up and then have the hurt of having them dashed.  Also, we are, as humans, drawn to what we know and what she 'knows' at the moment is the times when you didn't treat her so well.

Share with her the changes you've made that are helping so she is informed...particularly the physiological changes such as meds changes that should/will continue as long as you continue them.  Reassure her that you understand her concerns.  Encourage her to talk about them, and stay NON DEFENSIVE when she expresses the hurt she feels and the problems that this came from.  Your best bet to moving forward is to just be 'better' with her for a long period of time...eventually she will understand this is a new normal and let down her defenses.

BTW - this goes in both ways.  I don't have ADHD, and my husband tells me that he still fears that I will 'revert' to the bad old Melissa.  I won't, and he knows this intellectually, but these emotional responses are hard to shake sometimes.

Keep up the good work.

I've been where your wife is.

I'm in a similar situation.  ADHD partner of 3 years + who has been cruel, lied over and over again, has temper tantrums like i've never seen an adult have, has been critical of me and furious with me all the time.  Since January, he's been attentive, sweet, i've noticed a drop in his porn addiction, he's tried to follow through where previously he would let the ball drop.  

& i have to say, this week I've been getting more and more curious as to why now.  & how long will it last.  i've been burned so many times before with him that it is extremely hard to trust that this is genuine and that it can last.  I'm terrified of "giving in" to all the improved behavior because once i let my guard down, will it all come back tenfold?  I can't take the heart break anymore.

I don't know what he could do to make me relax into it.  I'm secretly hoping he reassures me by owning his past behavior and reasons for why it's different now.  I wish he'd hold me and tell me something like, ''I know i've been shitty, and i know things have happened in the past, and you have no reason to trust me now, but give me a chance.  I'm not perfect and i know I'll screw this up from time to time, but I want to be better, i want us to be better, and I want to be a partner you deserve.  I love you. Help me help us."  

I know, fairytale land.  I just feel like i'd be a lot more trusting if he owned the past behavior and admitted he's trying and isn't perfect.  

Good luck with everything and i hope it all work out!