I have not come on for sometime b/c my computer crashed and just started back working.Anyways,from my last forum till now,I have not follow through with my separation with my ADHD spouse.He on the other hand have been doing very well up until he lost his job a couple months ago b/c he cold not stop bad talking the boss man and cursing on the job site, then he landed in heavy financial difficulties,after that was pure chaos,he started gambling more heavier than usual with little to no money he barely had trying to make up rent with the casino money which he never b/c he always broke even or lost it all, then he was very distant from me and on and on.He did odd jobs for quit some time,barely bought food,essentials and the likes.I had to for fit all the food bills and he struggled to pay rent and we were headed for a separation b/c of all the financial chaos,and then of course,mood swings,depression,anxiety,and I had to deal with all of his disorders..
The gambling was becoming a BIG problem when he started dragging me along side him and then we were both headed down that dead end.I put my foot down and told him this has to stop.He/we need to go together and buy food and stop this gambling.It stopped for a month or so,then his jobs got better and better.Now he is making thousands in a week the money is flowing from every direction,he even got a cheaper place where the rent is not as high,same building just smaller but much more nicer,better view and more convenient close to wash area.Then the gambling starts back but this time he starts to lie about it.I caught him tonight lying to me to my face.When I confronted him he said"well i am not sure if I am going yet"but then why all dressed up?..he knows that it would up set me to know he started back the gambling and I told him it has to stop or be managed.
I don't know what to do again about this,he was listening to me and doing very well,he even stopped the porn and I know for sure b/c I have been looking in to all of this.I noticed one great but annoying quality in him,he would listen to me b/c he knows what is right from wrong and he would stop all the things to try and be a better man,but then as soon as he thinks we are ok,or his financial burdens are no more,he falls back from where he was before,now this makes mw wonder would he start back the porn now? I don't think he wants to up set me after how he worked so hard to control these habits and to be a better human and husband,but then why fall in to these old habits and not sticking to his word.He even started treating me better,not cursing me no more,not getting involve with my kids and my private situations,leaving me to work and not mingling in my business,I mean he turned from monster to almost I can't live with out you in a month,then this have me worried...what should I do? should I put my foot down again,especially about the lying,I know I can't stop a big man from doing this all at once,but it's the lying I can't deal with.
Submitted by ShelleyNW on
What a terrible spot you are in. It sounds like he's lying because he knows you disapprove but he thinks because he has the money to lose he deserves to have some fun, even though chances are that he will just end up broke again. Impulses are impossible to control if the person doesn't want to control them. Unfortunately until he decides in his own heart and mind that gambling is a waste of time and money he will likely relapse time and time again. If financial security is important to you this should be a bright red flag warning you away. I'm sorry to be so pessimistic, but I've seen too many cycles where the change is temporary because the motivation is to avoid loss rather than in recognizing the benefit to self from making the change. Best wishes.