Hi. Im in my early 20's & have been dating a girl with ADHD. At first I didnt know she had ADHD, but different tendencies kept popping up so I researched the symptoms & realized she had it. She's also since admitted to having it to me. I saw a lot of good in her & I thought a lot of people gave up on her early in life because of something she did not control, so I promised myself I would at least improve her life , even if I eventually lose interest in this relationship.
We've made some strides because I've tried to be very caring towards her & communicate to her in a way that she doesnt' feel like she's being attacked. I never mentioned the ADHD to her but I have given her tips on how to improve on some things. But as the months have gone by I've sometimes become so exhausted with her & have my own stresses to worry about that I become distant towards her. I see the positives in her less often & notice the negatives more. It's not really fair to her but sometimes I have a conversation with some of my friends who are girls & I feel so much more understood & I feel like I have potential for more fruitful relationships. My dating experience has only been for the last few years & nothing too significant, I have had low self esteem for most my life until I changed some things around & expanded my social network dramatically. Anyway sometimes when I'm really loving life I notice that this relationship won't last because I want to truly feel understood by another person & actually feel love (unfortunately I may love her as a person but this is not what my idea of true love is). And a lot of times this relationship just saps my energy & makes me feel like I'm there for her enjoyment, but not really for a relationship.
So anyway I still have to fulfill my promise to myself and am looking for tips here. I'm not completely giving up on this relationship yet but I know that eventually I'll give up because we're just too different. But if any ADHD'ers or spouses of ADHD'ers can give me help on this situation it would be great! I'm basically wondering what things I can teach her so she can live a fruitful life. Or what types of ways are best at connecting with her. I feel like she hasn't matured enough to understand another person's perspective. I feel like she has an idea in her head of what the other person is thinking, but she labels her own judgements on it & isn't truly open to what the other person says. This causes some issues with my friends too, who notice that she's very out of tune with other people when she's having a conversation.
So what would you do in my situation to improve this girls life. What insights should I focus on teaching her. How should I communicate differently with her? Any types of tips are appreciated! Thanks