This is not what I signed up for when I married this man. I do not know how we got to this place. Our problems have increased gradually as our children (boys 11 and 15) have grown. My husband is not only ADD but had a very dysfunctional home life as a child, especially with his mother. I feel doomed. He seems to not be able to separate his history from our home life. I came from a very loving and supportive family. Yet, we are repeating many of the patterns in his home. I pay for his mother's sins every day of my life. He pays little to no attention to me. There is a double standard in what he expects from me and what I should be allowed to expect from him. It should be good enough that he is passive, rarely has an opinion and lets me "do whatever I want". While I appreciate that he does not put pressure on me like other husbands I know of, i.e...wanting a spotless house, expecting meals at a certain time, etc, etc...the passiveness makes me crazy sometimes. I feel invisible most days. Parenting our ADD 15 yr old is slowly destroying our marriage. He thinks I'm neurotic and controlling (his mother was) b/c I worry about the normal things that most mothers worry about. I never hear anything I do right, only advice on what I should do different. I lecture too much. I'm over protective, etc. I think my husband basically raised himself from 14 on and had few, if any, boundaries to adhere to. I was not raised this way. The lack of support I feel is very painful. If I try to address any of it with him, the defenses are up and it's turned right back around to me. He is a master at that. I'm tired of apologizing for how I feel, having needs, etc. He takes everything as a personal attack on him. It can never, ever be about me and the fact that I need to feel loved, protected, appreciated, etc. I cannot remember the last time I really felt any of those things. Our sex life is non-existent. Another huge blow to my self-esteem. He shows no interest. None. For the past few years he has had physical problems in that area but has shown no attempt to figure out the problem or talk to a doctor. So, yet another thing I'm just supposed to deal with and accept. How do you not take it personally? I feel completely rejected. He never tells me I'm beautiful or that he has any attraction to me. Another area I guess I'm supposed to read his mind. I have been in counseling for several years b/c of all of this. He has gone several times. It has helped at times. But he doesn't go consistently enough for any it to take hold. We are at a point now that we are both highly defensive. We can't talk about anything out without getting into argument. It is breaking my heart. I am committed to this man, believe God put us together, but yet I am miserable. I know he is miserable too. We just keep hurting each other. We aren't even speaking at the moment. I am weary of it all and it breaks my heart for my children. I did not grow up this way and never imagined this is how we would end up.