Hi all,
Glad to have found this space. My partner and I have been together 4 years and I'm struggling. They have a diagnosis of ADD and also a history of trauma. They're currently going through a horrible work situation which is bringing up all kinds of problems and triggering them a lot. Hopefully this will resolve in the next month or two.
They are getting angry and barking at me and his son. They always profusely apologise and try to explain what they're experiencing and make sure we know its not us at all it's 100% their brain. I understand but it's tiring. They're currently working on a project for work and I've made a point of moving into a different room to work because they are just angry and tense the whole time. It's uncomfortable to be around them.
I just walked into the room and mentioned I didn't need to go to the shop as planned. They asked me a follow up question and when I started to answer they just cut in with "please can you stop talking for a minute" because they were busy focusing on something. I just walked out of the room.
I'm really just tired. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and being told not to talk or not to do certain things because they're concentrating or upset etc. Happy days get spoiled by sudden bursts of anger.
I have a chronic illness and a history of trauma myself so I have my own struggles. They're so supportive of me when I'm going through my own difficulties and I want to be there for them but I just need support from people who understand.
Any advice on getting through this?
Hello finite
Submitted by c ur self on
Normal or high sensitivity when it comes to our own emotions, isn't something we can afford to foster with certain mind types as our spouses....The best way to tell a person who is rude and thoughtless with their words and behaviors, isn't with more words, or even worse, allowing our emotions to suffer because we aren't capable of NOT identifying ourselves in someway with their sin that is directed at us...(Being their scapegoat.. Rude, selfish, and self absorbed minds love a place to blame their issues, never be that for them, so they can grow...It's tough love)
Your needs may revolve around simple comfort, and healthy interaction, your personality has it's own tendencies, and norms....Just as this person you are describing. (in the plural which seems strange) You may have an ability to be thoughtful, communicate kindly, etc....Just be aware of the reality of what he has shown you, believe it, accept it, but don't own it, or feel the need to respond to it in any way, when it's unsafe in nature....
All minds and convictions are different, that is what makes us different....Some of us are safe people, when it comes to communications and many relationship features...(givers, not users) Some of us are unsafe people when it comes to relationships....Never fool yourself into attempting to coexist with an unsafe person, life they are safe....If they are unsafe in relational ways, you must have boundaries!!!...Walk away from rudeness and disrespect..(or an unsafe mind has no reason to be aware of their sin) Selfishness (or any other unsafe personality trait) without ownership and personal awareness, is what makes healthy engagement hopeless....Reconize hopelessness, and give it space...
It's up to us to pack and leave, or, force accountability by non engagement of things that aren't loving and respectful.....
c
Medication
Submitted by soloman747 on
Hey finite,
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I too have suffered from outbursts that have affected my family. It's important to note that these outbursts are an impulse issue. They don't come as a result of thinking things through, and considering the consequences. That doesn't excuse his behavior but maybe if you understand that he's not doing it intentionally to hurt you, you can cope a bit better. Let's swap ADHD out for tourettes syndrome for a moment. If you had a spouse who was constantly blurting out inappropriate things at the absolute wrong time, would you take offense to it? Or recognize that they have a condition?
On the subject of treatment, there are medications like Intuniv or Strattera that may be able to assist your partner in getting greater control over their impulses. I would discuss this with your partner to ask their psychiatrist for a prescription.