Last night was an all too familiar scene. We were at our daughter's high school basketball game and my husband made a scene. I wanted to die. Here's the set up: it was a varsity basketball game and our daughter plays JV. JV players have to also dress and sit for Varsity, although no playing time is guaranteed. The team was winning 60 - 30 and arguably the coach should have put in the second string of girls (no argument there). My husband became agitated about our daughter not getting playing time and started yelling "Hey coach, time to clear the bench!" As parents all turned to stare, I did my usual thing and swatted his leg and told him to be quiet. "You're not helping" I said. "Don't make a scene." With only 3 minutes left in the game, the coach put 3 of the JV players in, but not our daughter. This infuriated my husband. "That's the LAST time she is wasting time coming to a Varsity game" he yelled. Again, I told him to lower his voice and that he was making a scene. With 2 minutes left in the game, our daughter was subbing in. Then he yelled as loud as he could '[MARY IS GOING IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARY IS GOING IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' The stares from the crowd made me want to die. I looked at him and in my angriest whisper voice said "Knock it off or leave. You are making a fool out of yourself." He kept ranting, not loud enough for the entire gym to hear, but enough for those around us.
I wish this was an isolated incident, but it is not. After the game, he was still on fire saying the coach was wrong. I said, "I agree, but it's the coach's call and making a scene isn't helping anybody. Let it go." He couldn't. He got mad at me for telling him AGAIN to let it go. "I've heard you!" he barked. "Yes, but you're still going" I quipped back. Then I came at it with my finest remark.... "You're acting like a classless a$$hole!" We walked to the car and a few minutes later he talked like nothing had happened. "Uh huh" I said. "What, you're going to give me the silent treatment now?" he asked.
I unleashed. "When is enough enough? You do this all the time! You not only embarrass yourself, but you embarrass me and Mary! This insanity has got to stop!" He replied "Fine, I will stop going to her games then." This I have heard before and it infuriates me. "That's your only answer?" I ask. "Grow the hell up and be the parent. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. Go to the game and keep your mouth shut"
We drove home the rest of the way in silence. When we pulled in the driveway, he said to me "it's not a maturity thing. This may sound like an excuse, but this is my ADD." WHAT???? Why has he never said this before? We've had this argument a hundred times. I came inside, googled Adult ADD Outbursts and found this site. Is this ADD or is he just acting like a jerk? Immediately I began thinking of all the other outbursts and times he made me feel like I was the crazy one - when he insisted he wasn't yelling, wasn't making a scene, wasn't overreacting. All these years, all these outbursts. I have finally had enough.
What do I do now? I can't endure another episode. It is humiliating. He sounds like an obnoxious jerk and I'm embarrassed by his behavior. He has been seeing a psychiatrist for 3 years for ADD and takes medication periodically (I don't monitor him, so don't know how religiously he takes it) and I asked that he please make an appointment immediately with the doctor to discuss this.
Our daughter has another game tonight and he is not going. Which I guess is a good thing.
Looking for some advice, and frankly some support, from those who understand.