Too Many Rules

My wife has become aware (from me and from reading about ADHD) that there are lots of behaviors she has that "annoy" other - not only me, but also friends and coworkers, and she wants to do things differently.  In fact, now that she is so aware of how much she wants to do differently, she is feeling very overwhelmed.  In her words - she has "too much to think about.  There are just too many rules."  Add to that - her self esteem is suffering.  What advice do you have for her, and for me as I support her and give her feedback on how she is doing, as she continues to work on her behaviors, so that she doesn't lose hope, and so that she can come to understand that needing to change certain behaviors doesn't mean she is a bsd person or that other people think she's a terrible person?