I come from a big blended family. We are very loud, educated and ADHD. Living in a foreign Country, my parents had to deal with some of my siblings showing symotoms of ADHD but never diagnosed. Mostly because my parents didn't believe in ADHD. I was always inattentive but got a formal diagnosis at 17.
I met my partner a few years later and we moved in together, he is very OCD organised and intelligent. After a few months together we moved to a different city after i got my college degree. somehow, due to my forgetfulness i got pregnant and we had a baby then another immediately after. (which drove him nuts). I have been able to manage most of my symptoms especially the outburst, impulsiveness but still interrupt when people speak.
Problem 1: I told him at the start of our relationship i had add which has resulted in laughter and him saying that it didn't exist. whilst living together, we have gotten into argument about me forgetting to do tasks and breaking promises which considering my situation has resulted in me apologising and trying to fix my mistakes. I am very knowledgeable about my abilities and weaknesses and strive to reach my potential. Also, i had a job and study part time but i am messy and forgetful especially with my keys, cards and wallet, so i understand his annoyance
But problem is my partner only shames me, it seems defensive as i have read diiferents account from non-adhd spouses being nagged at and. So it involves words like stupid, block head and i should be ashamed of myself that i cant do basic things despite being educated. this also involves using things about my family including alcohol dependancy, hoarding to spite me to get things done. It seems to him that my excuse of not being able to close the doors properly or switch off the lights is me being lazy, inconsiderate and careless.
So i am actually very organised and have a list of tasks everyday, but i stick to the most important things and it seem that even when i do all the most important things that my partners gets offended when i leave out the basics like taking out the dishes after they have been washed. It seems like a cycle with arguments, frustration and crying because i am exhausted. He believes that i dont deserve appreciation if my work is not done properly.
I do all the domestic work and i get nagged at, I recently lost my job because of relocation and i understand that he is stressed and i need to find a job but i just cant and that drives my partner crazy. He doesn't see anything wrong in being emotionally abusive since it is my faut he is so angry.
He is not interested in knowing anything about ADHD and just wants me to get off my butt and do what he wants me to do or needs to be done.
i dont know what to do. I dont have a job and care for two toddlers and i am just confused aabout what kind of help i should be looking for.
N,B This is me being nice about how he treats me