I just need to vent, and would like to have some commiseration. So please share your stories about taking trips with you ADHD spouse.
We have a trip coming up this weekend, and like always, something came up. My husband recently got back in touch with an old friend who is visiting town this week and will only be available on Friday, the day we are supposed to leave. Total no-brainer, right? Husband can go out with his friend and meet us (2 1/2 hours away) the next day. However, I know from experience that this has the potential to derail at least the entire next day and possibly the rest of the trip. I proactively brought this up last night and it seemed to go well until husband said "I told you a week ago that my friend would be in town this week and I wanted to see him." Nope, nope, nope. I did not want to hear justification about anything and so set my expectations: no drinking and driving, don't try and come at night if you're tired, if you come the next morning, I expect you to come in the morning, don't sleep until 1 and then pack, and waste the whole day. His phone must be charged and with him and he must tell me along the way exactly what he's doing - when he leaves the restaurant, when he gets home, when he wakes up and when he leaves to meet us, so I don't sit and wait for him to show up.
Past trip derailments have included:
1. Friend's birthday party on an island only accessible by a ferry. He had a work event that he really wanted to attend the night before. Had to spent the entire Saturday of a weekend trip trying to track him down because we would have to meet him at the ferry when he arrived, and phone reception was spotty. He was hungover and barely made the last ferry. Birthday friend almost killed him.
2. Destination wedding in a fairly remote wooded area. I stayed late at the rehearsal dinner. He took the kids back to the place we were staying. I arrived at the place late and he wasn't there. He didn't bring his wallet to the rehearsal dinner (why? something about it being uncomfortable in his pants), hadn't charged his phone, and didn't have gas in the car. Ended up in another state looking for gas. Barely made it back on fumes, I had to spend the next day coordinating someone getting him a ride to the gas station (the closest one was over 10 miles away) and convincing him to then go get gas and come back, while he insisted that he would do it later and had enough time. He showed up late to the wedding after getting gas. Bride still hates me.
3. Every trip we took while he was in school. He always just had "one quick assignment" to finish that he would just knock out in the car on the way there. This means at least one day of the trip would be spent waiting hours (the longest one clocked in at 7 hours) for him to finish whatever assignment was due.
4. Any time I try to go anywhere without him. He will remember at the last minute that he needs something from the store and wants to run out and grab it before I leave. (He's going to be home with the kids.) One of my friends, even if we're just going out to dinner will even remind me to leave early to give him time to disappear for an hour as soon as I say I'm leaving.
5. Heck, even the last trip we took. I had him pack the night before. Told him that I would meet him at his work so I could leave straight from there. Whoops! Last minute work situation, then he forgot something, didn't eat lunch and needed to stop for food along the way. Ended up at the hotel with the fancy kid's pool 45 minutes before the pool closed. After check-in, kids had about 20 minutes on the waterslides. We were only staying one night on the way to somewhere else.
I don't really need advice about this. We usually take separate trips, but I really want to take family vacations sometimes. I set expectations and don't plan around him so much anymore, but it's still frustrating. I'd like to hear your stories about planning trips and how you cope with someone who forgets that you exist if he can't actually see you.