Traveling with ADHD people who also have other mental health issues is just not worth it.
We've taken two short beach trips this month (3-4 days each), and while the actual hotel days themselves were ok, the before and after have been awful.
Before both trips, H picked fights and almost didn't go to either trip. But, we were traveling with adult kids, so H didn't want to "look bad" and not go, so he promised our kids that he would go (and behave), and he did. But, the night we got home from the first trip, he blew up, said that I didn't listen to him while on the trip and made him go/do things that he didn't want to do. I asked him to provide examples and he said he'd make a list, which he never did because there wasn't anything that I made him do. His anger lasted a couple of days.
Yesterday, while coming home from the second trip, I asked if we could stop and pick up some cold drinks for the drive home. H was fine with that because he also likes having a cold drink, particularly from this one fast food chain (Sonic). I told H where to get off the interstate and he said that there was another way. I should have just let him go the wrong way, but instead I told him that Market St was the correct exit and he took that. We got to Sonic and then H said something about how to get back on the interstate to get home. I told him that we just need to go back to where we got off and the entrance is at that same intersection. H countered with something about needing to get on I-10. I said, no, we've already passed I-10...which was true. H became confused (and I think the meds he takes adds to this), and he kept saying that we needed to get onto I-10. I kept saying that we're already north of I-10 and that we needed to get back on the northbound interstate that we had gotten off of. After going back and forth (and showing him on my iPad), he then tried to blame me for the whole mix-up because it was my fault for wanting to stop and get drinks, AND that it was my fault for not listening to him. Believe me, I was listening. But, now he's focused on his belief that the whole thing was caused by me not listening to him. Oh, and he's also insisting that he still could have gotten to Sonic by some other off-ramp (well, if he could, it would have been a much longer way. The off-ramp I told him directly took us to Sonic.) He hates being wrong, so he "has" to make such a crazy claim. Again, I should have just let him go his wrong route and learned from himself.
I told him that I won't be traveling with him again. Our kids want to go back next month and I'll go alone with him. I'm planning a trip to Europe and believe me, I will not let him come, too. He would ruin the trip and blame me. It doesn't matter how perfect or near-perfect I am, he will get upset and then say that I did something to cause it.
He can't see that no one else on these trips has any issues.
I understand that his anxiety is the underlying issue (not really the ADHD), along with OCD, confusion from meds, and a personality disorder.
I'm getting sick and tired of him causing fights and then he says that it's because I'm not listening to him or because I interrupt him. Yes, I do interrupt him. I HAVE TO. When H starts saying something and he's obviously wrong, I'm not going to sit and listen to 10 more minutes of words (because of his OCD). For example....If the plan is to leave on the trip at 10am, and he starts saying something like, "after my afternoon nap, I'll go to the gym and then I'll go get gas, blah blah blah," then I'm not going to just sit there and listen to a bunch of "wrong stuff". No. As soon as he says, "after my afternoon nap...." I'm going to interrupt and say, "we need to be on the road by 10am to get to the hotel before dinner time." (Which H knows we have to do because we bring a pet that needs to eat and take certain medications after the pet eats....AND, H hates arriving at a hotel late anyway.).
Anyway, when I interrupt to correct his train of thought, he gets mad and says, "just let me finish". What? Does he really think that I should have to listen to a bunch of wrong things first? I realize with the OCD, he feels that he "needs" to say what he wants to say regardless if it's all wrong. But, I don't have time for this all day long. No one does.