tried to end it but he won't accept it

Hi, My partner has ADD, we have 2 small children together. Things are bad, all the usual stuff really and now I'm at breaking point and feel like theres something screaming inside me "RUN!" But as I said we have 2 children and just "running" is not an option. A couple of weeks ago I ended our relationship but he literally wouldn't accept it. He said the only way he would go is if he could take the older child with him (we have 2 boys very close in age who absolutely adore each other so I'm sure you can imagine this would not be the best thing for them) He said he wasn't happy either (obviously as I'm the partner of someone with ADD I am automatically a nag) but that he couldn't live without the kids (fair enough neither could I) But this leaves us in this weird situation where neither of us wants to be without the kids and he says he wants to work on things and promised all this stuff which he hasn't done (it really is amazing how convincing he is when he lies and I have been with him for 8 years now you would think I would know the signs!?) and I just feel like now I am back to square one and feeling like a complete idiot for trusting him. Surely there is a way out of this, I just don't know what to do anymore?? My main reason is the children - I don't want them growing up in this disordered household with arguing all the time and a mummy who is always annoyed with daddy and a dad that doesn't listen to anything being said. But then breaking up isn't ideal for them either. And I don't want to break his heart by taking his children away from him, he doesn't even have anywhere he could go (family all overseas)

Sounds so much like my situation

Sounds like our situation.  Only when he got violent, I had to ask him to leave.  I can't have this shouting going on all the time.  I don't know what he will do about wanting custody of my daughter (who he adopted).  I hope he doesn't try to get custody because then it will be a huge battle of he said/she said and she is crazy and he is crazy, you know?  I hate all this.  I really do.  It is enough to make you physically sick.  The best of luck to you.  I truly feel for you.

exhausted lady's picture

It's going to take some work....and a lot of backbone.

If you are REALLY done with the abuse, you need to start taking stock of your financial resources and your needs (and the needs of your children).  Know what those needs are, how much they cost, and have a plan.  Keep a written log of any and all the emotional abuse.  Dates, times, what happened, what was said & done in front of the children, or not in front of the children, and keep up with it faithfully.  If he is being abusive to you, or the children, or you in FRONT of the children, that is admissible domestic violence.  A log of events that you've kept, even if it's only for a month or so, shows an undeniable pattern of behavior.  You can go to the court and get a restraining order (or protective order, depending on the state you live in), and the judge will demand that he get leave the house.  Immediately.  You can ask for a civil standby (have a sheriff's deputy there) while he moves his stuff out, and be done with it.  Emotional abuse IS domestic violence, I don't care if ADD/ADHD is involved or not.  You, and your children deserve to be treated with kindness.  Don't feel "sorry for him", it's a choice he makes every time he lashes out and uses you as an emotional punching bag.  Don't put up with it.  If you need to, go to a domestic violence "safe house".  Most towns & cities have one you can go to until you are able to get things rolling with the justice system.  It's not an easy thing to do, but you and your children deserve to live in a home that is free of abusive behavior.  You wouldn't believe how your head will clear when the emotional abuse, the destruction of your very "self" is no longer in your home.  You deserve better.