I'm a 26 year old male with ADHD. My wife and i met 7 years ago at work, were dating for 6 months then engaged, stuff progressed fairly quick, were married six months after that. two months after marriage my wife was pregnant with our first child. I Spent my 21st birthday at home with a pregnant wife, went through kind of a crisis, tried to prepare for our first by buying a house, two cars and so on. Wife went back to part time finances were tough, and oh snap shes prego agian. After the second was born she quit work(which we both wanted) and stuff got real tough. she was dealing with PPD and i was dealing with being an adult, i drank too much wasn't there for her, was pretty much all around a terrible husband, but a decent father(minus the drinking of course). i worked hard to support my family, we ended up going through a bankruptcy lost our house, and cars and started over. since then, she's takin over the finances, does a wonderful job, shes a stay at home mom and is going to college, rough but am very proud of her, we've had a third child which was planned(no more though), and i make a 6 figure salary. I do IT work, one of the benefits of ADD is the hyperfocus in this field, and I apply coping mechanisms and fumble my way through the rest of the job(which not to toot my own horn, but i'm pretty good at). i wasn't diagnosed until i was an adult, though my teachers pushed my parents to get me checked out, my parents did the stereotypical, he's a kid. It started causing problems in our relationship, me turning up the radio while she was talking was the straw that broke the camels back. i still maintain to this day that i was in fact listening :). anyways diagnosis was pretty easy, as my doctor i was a sys admin for, and he already suspected it as i figit and play with stuff all the time. he put me on concerta, is a miracle drug, i took it for a while, then because of insurance costs, i switched to ritilin LR or something, didn't like it. so i self medicated for a long time on caffiene. started taking concerta again about 2 years ago, again its fantastic, still only lasts about 12 hours though which gets me through work, but not home, and i don't take it on weekends. My wife is wonderful, my last job i traveled quite a bit, packing was absolute hell, she got me checklists which made it more bearable, and always took med when i was traveling, in fear i would get side tracked or caught up in something and miss my flight. again i fumbled through it with her help. lately life has been pretty good, started a new job a couple months ago, i don't travel any more, i work 8 to 5 then go home, sleep in my bed and see my kids every night. Financially we are sound and are even starting to build up a savings, my oldest is in preschool, my wife still stays home with the kids most days except when doing stuff for her school, i dont drink anymore, Our life at this point is pretty much picturesque. the problem is even though we make a concerted effort i feel like the flame has died in our marriage. both of us are very busy, we really don't spend much time focusing on each other. romance is all but gone and its taking a toll on the both of us. she struggles because i admittedly am not much help around the house. i procrastinate with the best of them, constantly give the "yeah, in a minute" response any time she asks me to do something. she takes care of the house and kids almost completely on her own. i mow the grass, though not in a timely fashion and try to take out the garbage when i think about it. We speak a different language when it comes to love. I buy her things, and try to do small stuff for her to show my love, when her perception is i don't love her because i didn't take the bins to the shed when she asked me to a week ago. I asked her to pick me up a dessert last night, which she spaced no doubt because she was dealing with 3 crying kids, which hurt my feelings because to me its the little things i percieve love as. never mind the fact she's spent 4 hours this week doing my laundry, i just don't see it that way, instead i get hurt feelings over trivial things. I'm hard to deal with, i leave things in the middle of the floor, accumulate computer parts and outdoorsy stuff like a hoarder, am temperamental and get very angry over trivial things. It pisses me off every time i go in the room to find the babies swing on. Why? i don't know it just does. I don't like lights, sometimes i get pissed off because she tries to ask how my day is, its unfair and i don't know why i get so frustrated, sometimes i just don't want to talk. instead i want to get lost in a video game then get upset with her because she doesn't give me any attention when she's been trying to talk to me for hours. We keep trying new solutions to try to deal with it, but it seems very hopeless. I'm broken, its not a crutch but it legitimately does affect a lot of aspects of life. i have a hard time getting motivated to do stuff with the family. i don't know why, its not that i would mind taking my kids to the Smithsonian, or chuckeee cheese, i just have a hard time getting motivated to do it. or i set aside time to do things, then get sidetracked and hours later its too late. i start projects and fully intend on finishing them, but don't follow through. it took me almost a year to get around to hanging curtains in my kids play room. believe it or not i'm not lazy, and when it comes to complicated things i work harder than most. I've spent three days straight without sleep working on projects at work before, yet can't get around to making a bookshelf? how do i reignite the spark with my wife and bring back the butterflies, and how do i bring myself to do the things she wants to show her i love her. it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I can make short term changes and get motivated to get better, but in the end it always ends up with the same fight. Life sucks sometimes.