Trust, Boundaries and Attraction

My husband is a good person at the core. Loving, affectionate, and faithful. He loves me and his kids and would die for us I am sure of that. He is a loving, playful and affectionate father. He is very smart and creative and ambitious. He is giving. These are the things I love about my husband. Due to his ADD which I did not realize was causing all the chaos in his life (and eventually mine) he is not a dependable person. Financially I lack trust even though he hit rock bottom a few years ago and has done really good with paying his share of the finances since. I never know his schedule for work or life in general. He puts efforts into making room in his schedule for his activities but does not put priority on family needs/schedules or my schedule. My goals, dreams or concerns or unimportant to him and he rarely listenes when I try to discuss. He is emotionally unavailable and pretty much unavailable for any discussion outside of his work or fishing. I never know when he will be home or if he is away on business until he is leaving for the trip that morning. I cannot schedule my own personal time well because I don't know his schedule (we have two small kids so this is why it is hard). Over the last 4 years after feeling like I have been walked all over I have finally created boundaries to keep his chaos "his" and out of my life. I feel very lonely most of the time as I do not feel like he is an engaged partner. It seems he is mostly a figurehead in our lives only. The kids are confused by his "randomness" and schedule and miss him a lot. The boundaries have helped me take back my life, enjoy activities I could not do before because I was always waiting for him to "help." The financial stresses are not as bad because I control the budget and keep a roof over our heads. I work and contribute equally financially. I was hoping the boundaries would solve my problems and then I could have a wonderful marriage and for the most part it has. But now I am left feeling as though having to have so many boundaries b/c you cannot trust the person you have committed your life to is lonely and depressing and I am not attracted to him any longer. How do you take care of yourself and still love the person you are protecting yourself against? I am trying to call up the days when we first met and our independence was cherished. But now that we are a family I long for someone to actually share the family with, to do things with, to know if I am sick or something happens I can call and actually get ahold of my spouse. Has anyone had this experience and how did you get through it to find a light at the end of the tunnel? How did you fall in love again after putting up so many walls to protect yourself? (Ironically enough while writing this my H's mother called and asked me if I knew why a Principal Investigator for the state was calling and asking her about my husband and his business. I just had to explain to not involve me and why to her which now she is having an anxiety attack over us getting divorced. I should have just said I don't know call him but I am so worked up today after him being unresponsive for two days while I was missing work and home with my sick kids I just let it all out at why her son is so hard to deal with! LOL the fun never stops)