I was married to an ADD (inattentive type) man for 26 years. It wasn't too bad until we had children, very late because of his reluctance. I needed help and a real partner, and he was just one more 'kid'. We live on a farm, but he refused to do any farm work, but also couldn't hold an outside job, either. He did a little cooking, and little childcare (when he felt like it). I basically did 90% of all the work. He was depressed and miserable and made all of us miserable. I finally couldn't take him dragging us all down, so I kicked him out and divorced him.
He moved back to the city (he's a city boy), got a good job, and seems to be happy. He comes back often to see the kids, and after 5 years of divorce, we've started 'dating' again. Things are good; he's here every weekend, and much nicer and more attentive. He still does stupid ADD things, but he apologizes and does what it takes to repair any damage (he NEVER did that before). I don't ask anything of him, but he buys some groceries when he's here, and helps out a little around the farm.
We haven't discussed it, but I'm sure we are both thinking about him moving back here when he retires. Part of me wants that, but a bigger part remembers vividly how bad it can get. I've been instinctively backing off and keeping it from getting too serious. Is there any way to know if he's really changed, or if this is just the 'hyperfocus' period, with just fun, no responsibility or pressure, and if he moves back in I'll eventually once again become a non-entity/housekeeper to him? Prying him out of here the first time was SO hard...it took a full year and a lot of angst. I don't want to go through that again.