Trying to figure things out

Finding this site has helped open my eyes to many things.  I feel as if I can understand my husband better and that I am not alone in my feelings of being lost.  My husband is yet to be officially diagnosed though we both know that he suffers with ADHD.  I have known this since we started dating 15 years ago.  I was very good at dealing with it, or ignoring the issues possibly, until our son came along 4 years ago.  Since having to divide my time between him and our son, my frustration has grown by leaps and bounds.  In the last 2 years we have both hurt each other by turning to other people for emotional reasons (no physical infidelity occurred).  Since then he has became hyper focused on me.  He loves me with all his being and I know this but have become so aggravated with the guilt trips if I decide to go somewhere with my mother or have the desire to actually go to bed alone early.  For the first 10 yrs of our marriage we worked so much that our social life was us and us alone.  I look back now and realize that I gave up my friendships and now am giving up even more (including time with my mother and alone time) to keep him from pouting and making me feel bad for wanting to go somewhere he was not.  I love my husband and think that we can work through things eventually but right now I am emotionally exhausted.  Last summer he talked about marriage counseling but has since taken the option off of the table.  He will tell me that he is very happy but the need for "a talk" every few months tells me that he certainly is not.  I have been weighing the option of a temporary separation while we seek counseling but any time this topic is discussed even generically, he emphatically states that if we were to separate then it's over.  This is not what I want at least not without us trying counseling.  But I do feel that I need time alone to work on myself and to get a better perspective on our marriage.  I don't know how to do this without destroying him.  The anger, frustration and resentment I feel towards him is beginning to outweigh the love I feel and all of that coupled with the guilt I have for even considering a separation is making me a wreck.