I don't have ADD but I wonder if I'm a "carrier" as there are a great many people in my family who show signs of ADD. A bit of background:
My daughter, now age 30, clearly has a galloping case of ADHD. Very bright, she dropped out of high school in tenth grade because you couldn't tolerate the frustration of classes she already knew the answers to. She was a difficult child. She would stay up all night, sleep all day, not go to work, use drugs, hyperfocus on friends. She got pregnant when she was 15. Nothing I could do worked. She left out the window when it was time to leave for counseling appointments. When she was 20 she lost her Section 8 house and lost custody of her son to her sister. She works in fast food. She is so bright that she passed her GED without any classes or even a semester of high school.
My other daughter is the total opposite. A successful lawyer, happily married, homeowner. She ended up with custody of her nephew, my other daughter's son. He is bright and seemed to thrive with consistency and ADHD meds. But now, at 13, he is sabotaging himself. He gets up in the middle of the night and breaks into their computers to use Facebook. He looks at suggestive pictures on the internet in the school computer lab. As my daughter says, he never thinks before he acts. She calls it "point, shoot, aim." Now they are applying to military schools, which his therapist endorses. They have asked his biological mom "what would have worked with you at that age?" and she says "nothing." I do not want him to end up like his biological mom. I don't want a future granddaughter-in-law to end up like the wives on this site (including me). Does anyone have any ideas. My gut is that the military school idea will not work, but I don't know what will.
WOW, Sueanne I am so sorry your family is dealing with this
Submitted by Aspen on
and I also have no idea about military schools. I would definitely say a school where his mind is engaged in a way that he is learning things perhaps with a focus on what interests him specifically would be a good thing.
My husband was undiagnosed with inattentive ADD in his 30s after we'd been married several years, so he was unmedicated throughout his school years though I do believe that ADD is VERY very different from having ADHD because there is less of the impulsiveness behavior and more of letting inertia take over. My brilliant husband actually flunked out of college because he didn't go to class........showed up and aced the tests, but wouldn't go day to day because he was too busy playing video games with his buddies all night and sleeping during the day. It was textbook issues that Dr Hallowell described about having control of your own schedule for the first time. He just blew it so badly his father said he'd never contribute one more penny to his education, so he put himself through Jr College and then went again to a state college and FAILED AGAIN!!! Ridiculous but he hadn't really learned how to control his schedule.
SOOO he joined the military. Had a job that engaged him very much and took advantage of his brains and interests. He chafed at the schedule, but he says now it was the best thing for him ever. Of course then the problem arose again when he seperated from the military and was once again responsible for his own schedule. By this time though he was in his mid 20s and had finally matured in a way that he didn't expect work/money/etc to conform to his way of wanting to do things. Perhaps caught up finally with his peers since Miss Behavin says AD/HD children are about 30% behind their peers.
He says now the military was one of the best things for him. He honestly does the very best when he has a fixed schedule set by someone else, and his job is to show up when he is told and do what he is told. We don't have that in our lives now and it is sometimes a struggle, but since he also now understands ADD and is medicated, he is able to function well in a self-emplooyed environment. I don't think he ever could have done that before.
military environment could be good
Submitted by brendab on
I read a book about a woman whose father was a military lifer and he ran a tight routine at home. She flourished growing up with ADD because she had strict routine and clear expectations. When she went away to college without routine her life became ADD chaos. She had not owned the routine for herself. Once she realized it, she began to self regulate as her father had taught her and today she is able to have a successful life. If he were my grandson, I would want him there in hopes that he'd develop some inner resource to self regulate.
For your daughter who said "nothing" would have helped her at his age, she is making a good point. I met a person who was ADD and an alcoholic. When I asked her what we could do to help ADDers understand their condition, she said "NOTHING". She told me that when she was drinking and others were concerned, she just ignored them and stayed in denial. When she chose to face her alcoholism, then she could fight her battle. She told me it is the same way with ADD. NOTHING you can harp about will change them until they choose to face it and do something about it. Your grandson may choose to rebel against the military schooling or he may thrive, only he can decide but the adults in his life know that what they are doing isn't working so try something different and maybe get better results. My best wishes go out to you and your grandson.
Submitted by 1frustratedADHDmale on
Some with ADD/HD may be simply alcoholics or bad people but many such as myself find out later I was self medicating without knowing it. Alcohol, marajuana, caffeine, sugar, exercise and sleep deprivation were all things that I unknowingly did to bring my mind and body in to "tune" and that was when life made sense. Although diagnosed 10 years ago, I accepted it 5 years ago and am still struggling now. One of the problems is even with society's stigma and excepting what you have, the path for help is not apparent. I may be at rock bottom now but can only hope that I am able to find the tools and time to become a better person. It truly is not intentional to effect everyone around you that you care for but you do.
Well, Dad was in the army and I'm beginning to think he had ADHD
Submitted by sapphyre on
My father is a loving wonderful man... who would lose track of time and come home very late. But all in all, wonderful ... high IQ... and he thinks he has the military to thank for him being organised and able to communicate well.
It needs to be a school that actually cares - we don't have military schools in Australia, but I think they could really help as long as the student's welfare (and diagnosis!) is taken into account.
Follow-up re Military School
Submitted by Sueann on