I am doing much better I must say with my "emotions" regarding my ADHD spouse,but sometimes he still hurt's my feelings very bad,but,as the days go by and the months follow through, I am also scared,very scared that all my efforts will come to an end in separation one day.What to do? I have been doing everything possible,he makes me feel so guilty for "everything" all the things that happened bad to us in the past is my fault according to him, one example,,,,,,He is the one that left me and got an apartment with not much notice,he never even discussed it with me properly, and came to any type of understanding with me, and I was very unaware of ADHD at the time,so what I was to think,Yes!!!!,,,, I thought that he wanted to leave me at the time, and it was not even 7 months we were married yet! he put me through so much pain and emotional suffering before that,and now presently, I have lost all my feelings and I can't even feel my own feelings.On Sundays his depressions start showing up when it's my time to go home,he has no family to turn to,no friends no body since he destroyed all relations with his impulsive ways,so he refers to me as the only friend,person,thing he has,and then he makes me feel so guilty because he keeps blaming me for having my business at home, and my 2 kids to tend to, and he puts it across to me like this"you have all that responsibility at home to take care of"and then I feel so so guilty, and I would stay with him the extra night, and a result of that, I have been missing a lot of work especially on Mondays.I am the owner of a small business but it's affecting my customers, and I am very scared for that.I am very disappointed in "me" sometimes, and how to tell DH this,this is not good for my business,he would never understand at all.
I am always trying to "please" him and then I am getting affected by putting myself on a strain for him.I am hoping that all this will come to an end soon with the "blame game" and the high guilt he causes me. I know it's not my fault, and that I am always doing my best to keep us in tact, but I have learnt that no matter how hard I try with DH, it's back to square one and back to spinning top in mud.He has been trying to be the husband that he thinks he should be, but not to far along again he slips back into the same old ways again.He is always telling me he would seek professional help but as far as that goes he is procrastinating.The guilt he puts on me is not at all me,I provided a place for us to live,a car, a proper environmental settings, and because his behavior was out of control and the mood swings and high tantrums,compulsive ways, he could not live with the rules of being "good" and doing the right thing a household requires.Like for instance,put up money for groceries,help pay bills "nothing" instead he prefers to live by himself paying rent, and pocketing his earnings, which is very good but was very selfish on his part, after all my family did for him.Not that I am looking back for anything in return, but the generosity and kindness is not his usual forte.
I am very concern also,yesterday we went on a beach lime with my father and his wife,and I noticed that DH did not at all feel the need in contributing any finances towards the lime,but the very night before he would go to the casino and lose 2 hundred dollars with his compulsive spending,eat in a fancy restaurant with me,of course, he is spending the money,but,only on him and me, not even my kids he would buy things for, the only time he would is if I put up half the money with him if my kids is around,this type of money compulsive behavior have me scared,what if I was to live with him and get sick "god forbid" that I can't work and take care of my responsibilities any more! would he help me? is he going to care? I am scared,he sometimes is very generous,but,only if it's the both of "us" alone,please tell me and share if anyone has experienced this with spouse,I would appreciate it.