Turns out there is "another man". I feel like a fool.

Hi all, haven't posted in a couple of weeks. 

Here's the quick stats for those unfamiliar with my story.  Wife is ADD, diagnosed, I am the non-ADD spouse.  11 years married, 3 kids ages 8,5,2.  Marriage in a tailspin and past year has been horrible.  Many "typical" ADD related issues as well as some other red-flag behaviors on her part.  Have done the MC thing for almost 3 years but it's been months since we last went.  Have tried and tried to make things work but just never could get it "right".  So many problems seemed to be constantly coming up out of nowhere.  I knew something was up but I guess I was in denial.

Found out this weekend (after being awakened AGAIN by the dogs barking at the door because my wife was having another one of her solo telephone- and - cigarettes happy hours on the back porch) that she is involved in an affair.  Just like a couple of you here mentioned.

We had had a pretty good night together before I found out, in fact, it had been a pretty good week.  We watched a movie, then she said she was tired so we went to bed.  I'd just started sleeping in the bedrooom again a few days prior.  I woke up at 1:15, alone in the bed to the sound of the dogs barking at the back door.  I immediately felt sick because I knew what was going on.  I walked downstairs to the back of the house.

Sure enough, she's out there.  Cigarette smoke (a NEW habit at age 35, BTW) hanging in the air, glass of wine in the hand, cell phone to her ear.  She was giggling like a giddy school girl.  I walked out and she hurredly ended the conversation. 

Of course it was "just a friend" she works with - who she has worked with for a couple years now, also a "friend" who is a married M.D. with 3 kids, who I coach my kids little league team with, whose kids have stayed at our house, whose son I have taken to sporting events, etc.  A "friend" that my wife talks about constantly with "amusing stories", who is "supportive" of her most recent career change and has helped her with her associated school work, a "friend" who complains about his wife to her... you see where this is going.

After hanging up the phone it was clearly evident that my wife was SLOSHED.  She could barely speak and was staggering on her feet, not to mention the stains of wine down the front of her shirt.  I told her she looked pathetic, of course she told me that saying that was "abusive" and THAT was why she "was done with me".  Her "friend" is "nice to her".  I didn;t continue the conversation because I just can;t deal with sloppy drunks.

The next day I told her I was looking forward to seeing her "friend" again at this weekend's practice, noting that I had to return the "friend's" son's bat to him that had been left in my truck.  I also wondered aloud if perhaps "friend's" wife might be there, too.  She panicked.  It would cause her problems at work, it would hurt his career, I was "crazy", etc.  Of course, not too "crazy" to stay home with the kids while she went out that night with "coworkers".

Last night she told me that she was going to get "help" from her parents and would be moving out.  Of course, she resents me for "having" to move out and "making" her do this to the kids.

As for me, I'm actually a bit relieved to have found out.  I was SERIOUSLY starting to think I was losing my mind.  Seems like these ADD spouses are a bit prone to finding novelty, stimulation and excitement outside of their marriages.

Oh well - that which does not kill us makes us stronger, I suppose.