My husband so self un-aware, he can't accurately answer questions to get a proper diagnosis. He always answers questions in the way he would like things to be. Not how they are. I am so frustrated that he keeps "failing" the ADHD questionnaire. He's working in a different state, so I couldn't be there for his doctor's visit. I've spent years of trying to get him to see that his underemployment, financial disasters, poor emotional management, self medicating, disorganization, inattention, firings, no friends, hyperactivity--and my biggest pet peeve: interrupting me when I'm talking---all point to ADHD. I know I'm not a professional, but I have been studying ADHD for years, as my daughter and I have the inattentive type.
With no diagnosis, he thinks he's fine. We will have been married for 25 years in April, and I really don't want to throw it all away, but we are both are exasperated. We'll be taking the upcoming couples course with Melissa Orlov, and I can bet my husband will be on the other end of the phone, 3 states away, knocked out sleep...It's so depressing already.
Along with the questionnaire, he took a computer test (CPT3) this time around, and I guess he passed it. The doctor told him all he has is very mild depression. Lord, I wish she could walk in my shoes for 2 days. I guarantee she would re-evaluate her results. I've looked up the test, but I'm curious to know if anyone else was required to take the test for their diagnosis.
I really love my husband and want to make this work for a lifetime, but I am not getting any younger. So I'm putting a lot of hope in this counseling---hope that he will see himself in others, and initiate some well-needed changes. (And I'll be doing the same).
Other Possiblities Vnovember
Submitted by kellyj on
Hi Vnovember,
I wanted to chime in hear on a few things I have found out just recently about myself which might give you an idea of some other things that might come into play? Actually one of them ( and feeling a bit ashamed at the moment ) is something that I spotted in a post here on this forum as a possible related learning disability called Dyscalculia which has to do with numbers, math and even tracking time or sequencing? Thankfully someone brought this up since I had never heard of it before but yet....always knew it was there?
And the thing is with that is....like a lot of things....I don't have everything on the list of symptoms ( as it said is one possible manifestation ) but the rest I have in spades and there is no doubt that this is what I have? And since I didn't have a head injury ( unless I was dropped on my head in my infancy and no one told me? joking lol ) or a stroke as it said...I was born this way as well but seemingly...was able to overcome most of the problems associated with it later in my school years with only a couple stand out symptoms that still remain?
For the most part like with my ADHD....I was able to compensate or learn my way around it and it hasn't posed significant problems albeit....the time tracking and tracking sequences and steps is still a problem for me which require planning and working on things ahead of time and not being hit all of a sudden which is really where ( and only where now ) I have any difficulty with it? Needless to say...accounting is not my strong suit but I have managed to get by well enough to pass...most of the time? And as long as I have a calculator....I seem to do just fine which I think is why I did Okay later in school when they started letting you use a calculator in math even during testing?
As far as a test goes for ADHD goes however....I had my therapist make the initial diagnosis ( who also specializes in anxiety disorders )...and then followed up with my nurse practitioner who gave me a test and a questionnaire that she herself came up with since she dealt specifically with folks with ADHD and only a couple other disorders and had been doing so for many years so I am not sure what test your H took compared to the one I was given?
The only thing I wonder about...is how good a regular doctor is at diagnosing ADHD compared to a mental health specialist who deals more specifically with such things? It was just a coincidence that the therapist I ended up with has mild ADHD along with one of his sons which came about having more to do with couples counseling and not ADHD? Sometimes you get lucky I guess but he was the one who spotted it first and then a specialist nurse practitioner who dealt with folks with ADHD on a regular basis?
The point in bringing up the Dycalculia was just to show you how not everything can be diagnosed directly unless you were to bring it up specifically since that is really not on any test I have taken or really had a problem later which would have caused me to bring it up myself? However....I had a feeling that there was something else involved along with some hearing issues as a child that has brought this to my attention recently to find out all I could so I can do more about these things as needed or as possible? There are some over lapps in some of these things that make it difficult to know what is what and I will be bringing up the Dycalculia thing with my T or get his advise on this and pursue what I can to optimize my treatment.
I as understand..co-morbid things like this along with ADHD are not uncommon which makes it hard to sort out...without more than one opinion or a specialist as I have been told? Even with this new development with me as a possibility....severity is always an important aspect which would account for some symptoms being worse or causing more of a problem?
As I have found which is what you always hear.....being your advocate and making sure you cover all the bases is up to you the patient...to make sure you are getting and giving the right information to the right sources as well? I do remember going to a psychiatrist a long time ago once for what I thought was OCD ( only ) and he gave me an anti-depressant that wigged me out totally!!! ( did not help or only made me weird!! LOL )
That was a disaster and this psychiatrist gave me no testing and went off only what I told him so even a mental health professional gave only go off what they hear unless they have more reason to investigate further which at the time.....i didn't know myself...and supporting getting another opinion by someone with experience with ADHD to the point?
All I can say at this time in finding anything new like this? These things have always been there so there is no reason not to find out all you can do in order to make you life better and address things as needed. The only thing I feel a little ashamed about now...is just not finding out sooner but what they hey.....I am open and always looking for anything that will help and I can use to improve in any way I can?
I wish him good luck in finding a means to address these issues and improve in his ( and yours as well ) quality of life.
J