Submitted by PoisonIvy on 08/04/2018.
I've been divorced for two years, and not being married isn't that bad. I think I'm coping well on almost every measure. That said, I am feeling down since the delivery for my ex-husband of a letter from our state's department of revenue, here at the house that I now solely own, almost certainly on the topic of him not paying taxes. Ugh.
The letter arrived yesterday. He was here a few days ago, visiting one of our daughters, and he scoffed when I mentioned my belief that his practice of being paid in cash and not putting money in the bank is related to tax evasion.
I'm not upset that he might be caught. I am upset with myself, for spending so many years with a person whose values clearly diverged from mine, in significant ways.
Be gentle with yourself...
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on
I recently had a couple of huge epiphanies around some family of origin dysfunction that has been affecting my choices/behavior throughout my entire life. I truly didn't connect the dots until now and I'm 48 years old.
So my first reaction was .. OMG, how did I not see this before? If I had just figured this out sooner I could have avoided so much heartache and problematic people (men, mostly) and downright abuse at the hands of others. No WONDER I ended up in this situation or that situation.
I was more shocked at myself than angry... but the key takeaway for me was this - Now that you know better you can do better.
I hope that helps.
That is huge CaliforniaGirl.....
Submitted by c ur self on
I think we should all take a step back and check our lives for patterns....Healthy and Unhealthy....It's so easy to allow things life shame, low self esteem, among other things to influence us into poor choices...I know for a fact that I have made major life decisions for the wrong reasons.....And because of every humans desire to feel good about ourselves....We can be the last one's to know....Yep, questioning the guy or gal in the mirror is vital, no matter how painful.....
c
PoisonIvy
Submitted by Brindle on
Has it really been two years that you’ve been divorced? I’ve read so many of your past posts, and I’m very glad that you have made a life on your own terms.
I agree that you should be gentle with yourself. Hold your head high that you tried for so long.
I wouldn’t feel bad.
Submitted by corwinej3 on
Hey PoisonIvy, I wouldn’t feel too bad about that. It’s like getting mad at yourself for getting lost when the map was wrong. Thinking you are making good decisions, but actually not, is nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe you stayed too long, maybe you didn’t. You weren’t operating out of stupidity or deviousness or malice! Just trying to stay faithful to a person. That’s what I say to myself. I have a son with adhd and antisocial behaviors. I try to think, my husband is just a grown version of this. I love my kid unconditionally. It’s ok to put relationship before logic. Then you know when it’s not anymore and you move forward. Sounds like you are doing a good job.