Who knows what goes on when I am not around by DH apartment,I let my self got caught up for one (whole) year running down the relationship b/c I did not know it was ADHD at the time.I wasted a lot of time,energy,mental and physical health,in not knowing the (truth) or the (underlying problem),I thought he was not (loved)by his parents the way he should be, or maybe (this too shall pass)how "typical"I really was blind to the disorder"thank god for the internet",Today I am in a much more better place after finding out it was not me,or,him.The fights,arguments,tantrums,the "blame game" all the series of things that fall under ADHD and the rest that follows, have me at a much more better place just finding a name for it,but,this is where it gets serious,he lives alone,I am not with him,he could do anything that he won't do intentional,and I am afraid!
I did not get a key for his apartment yet!why? I really can't say,every time I ask him he says to me:
me:hey babe,when am I going to get a key for "our" apartment.?
him:"well you never gave me a key for your house,why should I?"
me:"I can't give you a key to my home b/c my mother is the owner,only when she is no longer then of course!"
him:"well I am not giving you a key until I get one to your house"
I can't give him a key! My mother will rant if I do,it's not my house,according to her will,it will be mines fully upon her passing,but the apartment his his!and he even went as far as to say the apartment is "our's",,, Is he trying to hide something? is he taking time from work and having affairs?he is his own boss,so could take time off,lots of time off ,I can't put my head on a block for him,I really don't know what is going on.!!!since ADHD is a mental problem and a dysfunctional brain the reason for taking meds is to help and produce the chemicals to help the brains functions,am I right?he is not on meds yet! I am after him to go see the ADHD specialist,but I read it is not good to nag,so I am not nagging him,but I do remind him when we are having a really lovely time,or his timing is right.
one crazy example for not taking control or being un medicated is:he saw me hugging a male friend and wishing him "happy birthday"it was very platonic/innocent,, just 5 days before my birthday,he got so upset that he accused it of something"going on"when I know my friend for more than 6 years,WAY BEFORE I EVEN KNEW MY SPOUSE,he got so "MAD"that on the day of my birthday, I found a prostitute at his apartment undressing in the kitchen through the kitchen window,of course I didn't have a key so I waited,2 min's later he opened the door and he came outside, I rushed in the door and saw her putting her clothes back on,but I got so "angry"I started to slap the woman,and she was just standing there taking it,he just watched on and did nothing,it all happened soo very fast,before you knew it I rushed her outside"naked"with only her underwear on,and he was so very drunk,all I did was waited for her to leave then I jumped in my car and went to the bar and self-medicated my pain! I cried all night long,but my friends was there to comfort me,that really hurt me bad.,,
After thinking it through next day,Which means they did not have S,but then what she was doing there?he told me that he brought her there b/c he was upset that I hugged the "male"friend.He said it was only to upset me while he taught she would be sitting in the kitchen with clothes on so I would waltz in and see her(he was not expecting me)we were fighting over the phone the whole day,so why did he have her at his apartment?,the bar in which he picked her up in, had one friend of our's, he taught might have called me and tell me he took her home,to get me upset,but he was soo drunk!how could he think that through? when he was so drunk and already have a chemical imbalance!,he said he was not thinking,he lost focus and that he never meant for me to walk in on her naked! okay so then give me a key so that I would "trust but verify" but no! he won't do it,so what did I do? I took his key off the key chain and went and made a copy yesterday! and he does not know. I don't know what I would really do with it, but I have it for peace of mind.So tell me folks,if he could do something like that to me on the "day of my birthday"then what he would do again?if I am very Platonic,very monogamous,and still getting this "nasty"behavior from him.He hasn't done it again since then,, and November of last year was the first and last,but,will he do something like that again? even if it was,as he say's my fault! we will see!!
that is why meds is sooo important,and self-behavior.