I would really like to hear from non-ADD spouses who experience what I call "meltdowns" from their ADD wives or husbands. Actually, uncontrolled nuclear fission culminating in a nuclear explosion is the better analogy. I've seen the phrase "walking on eggshells" throughout this site. That's how I live. Actually, it's more like walking through a minefield. In talking with my wife, I know that at any moment she may take something I say the wrong way, or take it personally, or "mis hear" what I say ("hear" me say things I didn't actually say - scary!) and then fly into a rage. The insults and yelling and screaming begin and it's like dealing with the Tasmanian Devil. When this happens and I try to walk away, my wife follows me and keep on attacking. Or she'll wait a little while and pick up right where she left off, oblivious to my efforts to defuse the situation. Finally, I lose my temper and fight back. Then, she attacks me for my own angry words, all the while ignoring what drove me over the edge in the first place, i.e., her meltdown!
This happened recently the week before the California Bar Exam. Knowing that a meltdown was possible, (it always is with ADD), I told my wife, "No meltdowns this week. I don't care if I'm unreasonable. No meltdowns. Please, not this week." Incredibly, she did it anyway when I took a call from her son's father's wife, who called to say the dad, who lives in the UK, had been arrested. I took the call because I thought my wife would want to know. My wife considers this woman Satan incarnate, however, and she (my wife) flew into a rage because I had. I spent the next three days defending myself against outrageous accusations of disloyalty for doing so. She screamed, yelled, attacked my character, all at a time when I needed to be focused on the single most stressful event a person can go through. To this day my wife still thinks she was entirely reasonable during all of this.
This type of rage has happened before. It's like she turns from this sweet person into a MONSTER in a flash. Later, she blames me for the meltdown, usually accusing me of "not listening" and that if I had, she wouldn't have t gotten so upset. Does this sound familiar to anybody else out there?